Dad

Reaching out to try and find some sense to a mix of confusing and complex feelings.

My parents divorced when I was 6 ( I'm now 50) and although I've kept in contact with my Dad we've never been close and I find it very difficult to talk to him on a deeper level than simply muttering on about the weather and general life.

My elder sister went to live with our Dad when she was 16 after having a difficult time at home with our stepdad so I've always believed that she had a close relationship with our Dad where as I have a closer relationship with our Mum.

Several months ago Dad was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor to his spine. It is inoperable due to its location in the body but may we are told have been there for many years but now decided to make its presence known.

Dad has a permanent catheter and the tumour has affected his bowels so that he is often constipated and relies on laxative, he has alot of back pain and has lost alot of weight.

He has refused the offer of a stoma operation and also proton beam therapy which they believe would be able to shrink the tumour.

My sister is constantly arguing with him she has for reasons I dont understand decided now is the time to tell him that she believes that he is not a very nice person. I dont know where this is coming from but apparently she has been feeling like this for years and doesnt seem to see his cancer as an excuse not to tell him. She says he has spoken to her badly for many many years and runs her down and tells lies for attention and drama.

I do know that he exaggerates wildly (example he had a 5ft stag in his kitchen?!) and that he is very opinionated and wont be told that he is wrong on most things.

I guess that as Dad and I have not had a close relationship for many years that I have not been subjected to so much of his behavior as my sister and so have always just rolled my eyes and had a wye smile to myself when he has told one of his 'dad stories' that I know is not true. I also tend not to challenge him on opinions but remain quiet.

I've just got off the phone to Dad who tells me he and my sister had another argument on the phone this morning and that he is upset and doesnt understand why she is telling him he is so bad when he has always tried to do his best.

Im going to try and speak to my sister about what is going on in her head and find out if there is something deeper that I don't understand or know  about going on but her attitude and actions are something that at the moment I dont understand and I feel like im stuck in the middle of them.