Hi folks,
I'm in that tricky place of waiting to see if I have cancer, and having lots of the terror, while not truly knowing. But also knowing enough about what's going on to know that things are not looking good for me.
It's very difficult emotionally at times, even though I'm a very level headed person. The lump on my ovary was found 37 days ago, but it was the result of an MRI with blood tests that raised huge concerns 16 days ago, and saw me immediately referred to the local multidisciplinary team. They didn't consider my case that week, or the next, waiting for the CT scan results, despite the gynaecologist's wishes. Those results didn't come through in time for today's 3rd try of a Wednesday meeting. Fingers crossed for next week!
I've accepted that it may very well be cancer. I just want to know now. Either way I also know they're going to need to operate to remove some stuff, possibly quite a lot of stuff, and maybe do a staging procedure as well. And any operation like that is extra concerning given other health factors in my case.
I'm finding it hard to talk to people other than my husband or gynaecologist about it. Too many people want to say something like "Stay positive!", or "I have a feeling everything will be ok!", or "Hoping to hear good news from you!" That is very much not helping, though I'm currently mainly biting my tongue. My normally calm as a cucumber husband has also been getting annoyed by some of these remarks, even before I say anything to him after. It's also tricky because most people don't realise that I'm going to need an operation anyway, and how very risky it is in my case. And that I can't have a simpler biopsy.
But yup, limbo land. I've accepted I may have a tough path ahead. I've had chemotherapy infusions for autoimmune disease before, and always said I'd do it again if need be. I just wasn't anticipating cancer down the line.
And yes, of course, I may get the all clear, albeit after a hefty operation to investigate. That would be lovely.
But it is what it is. I just want to know now.
Thanks and hugs to all.
Viv
