Hi everyone,
I am feeling completely lost and powerless in how best to support my partner and his mum and I suppose I just dont know what to expect.
My father in law has just been told he has stage 4 cancer - its basically everywhere including liver, bones and stomach. He survived throat cancer 4 years ago but this time he has been told its terminal. Best case scenario is up to a year if he gets well enough to have a bit of chemo, worse case scenario weeks. He is so very ill, unable to eat really and just so tired. He has been given steroids, anti nausea, morphine and diazepam to see if that helps.
We live 4 hours away and my mother in law said she doesn't want us to go up yet as she'll need us soon. I just feel powerless and want to support but dont know the best way too. My husband is just so low (understandably) and feels in a kind of limbo of grief - not knowing what to expect.
My mother in law suffers from bad health too and has fairly significant mental health issues and when my fil was going through cancer treatment last time she said if he didn't survive she would kill herself so I am worried sick she is planning this when he passes.
To add to all this we just lost my mum in November so we are still grieving her. I just eat to be able to help everyone but dont know how to.
I am sorry if this is all a bit rambled - thank you for any advice and I appreciate you reading this.
Sending best wishes to everyone
Hi Selene and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about the challenges you are dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your family and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Carers only (if you are a caregiver)
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
Happy to help ((hugs))
