My husband is on his second five year screening plan following 2 bowel cancer resection operations.
I find life ticks along almost forgetting he's been ill and then the screening approaches and the feeling of dread hits. The Colonoscopies terrify me most as thats where both tumours were found. I can't reveal how I feel to him or the children as I feel they all look to me for positivity and optimism. Also, it's not actually me with the cancer, so I feel I don't have the right to feel bad. Hence me venting here!
Can anyone relate? x
Hi ApplePie65 and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your husband and about the screening anxiety.
I have been on my cancer journey for well over 25 years with 2 very rare types of Lymphoma….. one incurable.
So yearly scans/screening are part of my life…… and although I relapsed multiply times over the first 15 years I am now over 10 years out from my last treatment.
As a family we have a clear mindset that what ever comes our way it does not define who we are….. we define life not my cancer.
Getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you look to join and post in our dedicated…….
Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer
……. support group.
This group is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
In the early days we sat with my great CNS (Cancer Nurse Specialist) and she was very honest “Mike, you can stress and fret as much as you want when you are coming up to scan time but the reality is you can throw all the stress and anxiety in the world at this and it won’t make any difference to the outcomes but the one certainty is - stress does make you ill…… control the battle between the ears and only worry when you are told there is something to worry about”….. and she has been spot on over all these years.
I found this article very helpful
What Is Scanxiety and How Can You Manage It?……. Choose Hope
The first time you read or hear it, “scanxiety” may look and sound like a funny word. However, when you are going through it, there is nothing funny about this very real condition. From the first scan following a doctor’s suspicious discovery to the pos.t treatment PET scan, the fear and worry that accompanies imaging appointments can take a significant toll on your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Fortunately, you can take steps to minimise and cope with the sometimes-overwhelming emotions you feel.
Acknowledge your Feelings
Don’t try to ignore the way you feel, as this can actually increase your anxiety. Instead, recognise and even embrace your scanxiety. This first step empowers you to take action, move forward and manage your emotions, helping you find peace and feel more in control of your own life.
Talk about It to the Right People
Venting your fears and frustrations to people close to you can be a wonderful way to release stress and gain vital support. However, if you have folks in your life who tend to exacerbate your worries or load you up with even more concerns (and really, who doesn’t have that one friend or family member?), avoid sharing too much with them.
Practice Mindful Living
Ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Look for ways to live in the moment. Hug your little boy and inhale deeply, noting the mingled fragrance of fresh earth and shampoo. Stroke your husband’s face and think about the way his soft stubble brushes your hand. Savour a particularly flavourful meal. Relish in the here and now.
Distract Yourself
Find ways to take your mind off the upcoming scan, at least for a while. Dig into a novel or binge watch a series that completely engrosses you. Turn up your favourite music and tackle a chore you’ve been putting off for too long. Hang out with that one friend who has a gift for making you laugh. Schedule some time to enjoy your favourite hobby without interruption. If you have trouble letting go, imagine setting your worries in a “to do later” box and tell yourself you can pick them up when you’re done.
Ask Questions
Sometimes, the unknown is the greatest instigator of anxiety. If you are unclear about anything – from what to expect during the scan, to when and how you can expect to receive your results, to what those results might mean - don’t be afraid to ask your doctor. Having a well-defined understanding of what you will or might experience allows you to be better prepared and can even ease your mind.
Plan for the Worst Outcome…
Along with knowing what could possibly come of your scan, creating a strategy for the worst case scenario can improve your sense of control. By no means should this be perceived as giving up or being resigning yourself to bad news. Cancer can make you feel powerless, but creating a basic action plan just in case can help you regain your power as well as your optimism.
…but Visualise the Best Outcome
Your mind is more powerful than you might realise. Visualisation and guided imagery have been shown to improve your mood, control symptoms or side effects and even boost your immune system. Imagine yourself receiving great news after your scan. Allow yourself to experience the feelings of relief, gratitude and elation. Think about these things as though you are remembering them. Seeing it in your mind’s eye can give you the encouragement you need to overcome your scanxiety.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
