Long story! Please bear with me! My ex husband went to his GP in September, CT scan showed 2cm pancreatic cancer mass. Southampton consultant said ok to operate, 95% success to be cancer free after. Fast forward to last week (2nd CT scan 3weeksago): He got an email from Southampton to say come in for a pre op appointment on the 11th of December on Monday. Within an hour of receiving the email he got a call from the consultant to say that the mass had spread to his stomach and was now inoperable?!? He was told this bluntly over the phone with no one with him, he was not even asked if he was with anyone for support. Can you imagine his shock??? No information other than you’ve got about 6 months to live…. I rang the consultants secretary and said that I was disgusted by this callous treatment and asked that they ring him to explain exactly what was going on in a compassionate way. No call so I rang AGAIN and eventually a cancer nurse rang him to apologise. He saw his GP yesterday who was unable to give him much more information on going forward. How long has he got? She didn’t know, what happens next is that he’s waiting for an appointment with a pancreatic specialist. He’s in excruciating pain and has been prescribed cocodomol and paracetamol only which isn’t really touching it. He currently lives in Guernsey and is moving back to Dorset to be with us on Friday. My question is where do I start! He will need help financially, and obviously needs to register with a GP over here too. I just feel helpless & that this is not how you are supposed to deal with such devastating news. If he had had the operation there and then would he not be facing death now??? (I know you can’t answer that obviously) 
Hi Rachel.Cb07c62 and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your ex husband.
A cancer diagnosis like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot…….
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your ex and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
….. and our
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
