Caring for Dad

Hi sweetheart and a very warm welcome to the community, though I'm so sorry you find yourself here, and all the reason why, you really do have a lot going on, something I have been through, so I  hope my experience can help you.

Firsty all your feelings and emotions are perfectly normal, so please don't beat yourself up my friend, as sadly is often the case with how your dad's behaviour is changing, not only does the disease and treatment, even after coming off it, affect you in so many ways, it's tough knowing you're leaving your loved ones"I too have incurable prostate cancer," and it's an awful feeling.

Well my friend, I admire everything your doing, but you should be asking for support, which is important for you all, so please call your GP and ask for a referral to your local hospice and their palliative care team, these are NOT just for end of life care, I've had them for nearly 2 years, also ask for a district nurse referral, they are your link to specialist nurses, equipment, and products, and they all support the whole family.

This is a lovely forum for new members, but there are others you may wish to join. If you click on forums at the top of the page, there's a list of cancer types, and experience forums, you can join as many as you wish.

My very best wishes to you all.

Eddie xx 

Hi Kernowson68e913 and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your father’s diagnosis.

A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.

The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so If you care to have a look through this link Cancer Specific Groups you will find all our dedicated cancer support groups listed.

Whatever someone's experiences and journey this link Cancer Experiences Group has many groups covering all aspects cancer journey both Patients, Spouses, Partners, Carers, Family and Friends.

It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

Hi Eddie, and thank you so much for all you said, the practical advice, and the reassurance about my feelings at times as I think that's what I'm struggling most with at the moment in some ways. Some evenings we seem to constantly bicker and I can feel myself getting angry and frustrated, then I look at this frail, withered old man that used to be like an oak tree and I hate myself for feeling like that so take myself off to the kitchen for a bit of private sobbing, luckily his hearing is terrible! I'm terrified that he'll leave this world on a tide of petty squabbling rather than knowing he's been my hero for nearly 59 years and that I love, respect, and thank him for everything he's done for me since I popped into the world. Mum's always said we were inseparable when I was small and he had a day off. In later years she said I'm the only one he listens to when it comes to advice so we've always been there for each other even after leaving home and building my own life. I came to terms with the fact that sooner or later we'd reach this stage quite a while ago but it's just killing me inside to feel I'm failing him right when he needs me most.

Thanks again,

Dave

Hi Rosy, and thank you so much for all the help and advice. The same day I had the meeting with his doctor Dad was discharged from hospital and I drove home really bewildered and confused as I'd had none of the advice you've given me. I remember thinking "Is that it? Do we just go home now and wait until he dies or is in so much pain they come and cart him off to hospital and that will be that?" It really felt like someone had forgotten to join the dots. To know that so much help is available has given me some comfort and the confidence to think we can get through this together.

Once again, thank you so much,

Dave

Hi Mike, with a name like Thehighlander I'm guessing we could be fellow Celts from opposite ends of the country. Thanks to you too (everyone seems amazing here) for all your assistance. I actually found this site whilst trying to look up the Macmillan helpline as I had a vague recollection of seeing it on a TV ad I think so it was a lucky find. I will definitely be giving them a ring as I think even just talking to someone will relieve a lot of the pressure. I'm surprised how much writing my feelings down here has helped too. I'm Cornish and I think we're a lot like the Aussies for bottling things up and just getting on with it so this has been a new and helpful experience for me.

Thanks for all the help and advice,

Dave

Morning Dave, from a fellow Celt, originally from Oban, now living in Yorkshire. Your very welcome my friend and please feel free to get in touch anytime my friend, I've been through losing my mum to cancer with no support, so I'd have loved the advice and support of the guys on here, it would have made such a difference, so I hope you soon have access to the support you deserve my friend.

Eddie xx 

Hi Dave, Born in Fraserburgh but been in Inverness for over 34 years. 

I am glad that you are finding the Community helpful and the more you connect in with the groups the more you will find the support you need.