Newbie here and struggling

Hello all,

I am really struggling with my diagnosis. I am so angry, so scared and just feel like it can't be happening, that I just can't cope. I usually face things head on, I'm usually the calm and practical one in a crisis, the one who sorts everything out. But not with this, and I don't know if this is a "normal" reaction, or as a result of how my diagnosis happened - and I wonder about that because it's six weeks later, and I'm still struggling to come to terms with the way I found out, to the extent that I’ve had nightmares about it.

After having 3 bouts of constipation,  diarrhoea,  sickness and severe stomach pain, over a 3 week period, I ended up in A&E. I initially thought that it was IBS, which I occasionally experienced, part of the acute fibromyalgis that I've had for about 13 years.

After about 15 hours in A&E, I saw firstly a medical, then a surgical doctor. They suggested that I had an ulcer, a bowel blockage or diverticulitis,  and sent me for a CT scan. Several hours later, still in A&E, having had no sleep, told not to eat or take my fibro pain meds, I ended up in tears and asking that someone please tell me what was going on. 

A doctor took myself and my daughter into a side room, and while his pager beeped, he tried to gently tell me that I have cancer, a tumor in my colon that was causing a blockage.  He tried to reassure me I'd be fine,that I'd need surgery but would be OK, it was early stages - and then we were back in A&E, shell-shocked and surrounded by people bleeding, in pain, throwing up. We were unable to talk, my daughter was in bits, offered no privacy or support,  and no one came near us.  After 44 hours in A&E, no food, not allowed the pain meds for my fibro, no sleep and after I finally kicked up a fuss, they found me a bed. 

The next day, my surgery was scheduled for the morning ...but after the hospital lost two blood tests, I missed the surgery slots and was wheeled down at around 7pm at night. I remember being told that because of where the tumor was it couldn't be keyhole surgery. And that there was a very small chance I'd have a temporary stoma.  I woke up to find I had an illeostomy, that there were some cells in my bowel wall and that I'd need chemo.

I feel like I've been living a nightmare since.  I hate the illeostomy, there are so many issues with it. I hate that I have to wait to find out exactly when the chemo will start, what form it will take, for how long? I don't know what the results of the biopsy are, if I'm going to get good news or bad. The appointment with the oncologist is over 3 weeks away - they said I would have to heal fully from the surgery before there was any point in seeing him or her - and I feel like I know nothing and have no idea what to expect, and it scares me. My kids are so worried, my daughter is so obviously traumatised by the whole A&E experience and I have no idea how to reassure them and try to make this easier for them.

Is this how everyone feels, and how do I get my head straight and start to accept and deal with this, so I can support my kids? They are both adults, but it's hit them hard, and I feel so helpless.