Where do I start

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Hi I had vulva cancer this time last year had a opp and thought that was it.... I'd had it I was over it and now I could move on! Move on indeed to may I started to loose weight and felt something was wrong like deep down wrong turns out it's came bk but spread to my right lymph nodes in my groin I'm booked in for opp to remove all lymph nodes from that side and then once healed 7 weeks of radioerapy I'm scared I dunno what to think anymore I feel like this is personal and I hate seeing my 5 children and family look scared  but I'm in a black head space and cannot seem to pull myself together I'd love to meet somebody whos been tho this and come out the other side I'm 42 and feel totally lost 

Thanks for reading