Hello
I've been reading this forum for 7 months, attempting to register, then not, as I didn't feel worthy - not 'worthy' equate that to, I've had to do everything myself, so why not this.
I've lived through a whole life of being beaten, psychological abuse, scapegoated, fighting absolutely everything and everyone and my trust levels are below zero. Am nearly 50 and now this - my 3 boys, I've fought anyone, any establishment and everything to make sure they grow into good men.
I have no family or friends as my entire focus was on the kids and my family started this abuse on me, they aren't getting near my kids.
In the grand scheme of things, this cancer I know I had, but was denied by the consultant - confirmed after months of biopsies, mammograms, scans and now surgery to remove two lumps - isn't the only battle I've had. I will win this one too.
But, when will I ever get peace? I look around and see others just living, and it is completely unrelatable to me. I've never had that.
Everything I create is demolished. I created my own self employed business after and during homeschooling my eldest and also school lockdowns.
I left their dad and we moved and I thought, ah, I've been controlled my whole life and now I'm free.
Then the world said,hold my beer, but I got us all through that.
Now this - when does it all end? Or is this my life? Il adapt again, but I can't do this myself, if I was childless I'd be 6 feet under by now but my kids need me, my animals need me, and their dad needs me as tbh, he can't cope in general and the kids need their dad so it's up to me with making sure he ok.
Everyone in this area hates me, they all think I'm 'scary' but what they fail to reflect on is they predated first, I finish things, never start them.
Everything has broken and I just don't have strength anymore to fight back, is this the end for me? No one managed to destroy me, almost, but never could. Will this cancer say, hold my beer?
Thanks for reading Ana
