Single mum to 3 young kids

Hi Ana

Im really glad you felt you were worth posting your story because you most certainly are and i am sorry to hear all you have gone through. 

You sound like a warrior, and it may be for a long time you were able to find this inner strength to keep on going, but when we are in situations that are beyond are control (like a cancer diagnosis) and we havent been able to catch a break or a breath to fill up what is an empty tank it can sometimes make us stop and pause and think that it might be the time to ask for a bit of help.

You have shared lots of harmful and abusive experiences, and it sounds as if in order to protect yourself and those you love and who love you you have become hyper-independent. 

You give to your children, your animals and your ex-partner but i wondered if there was a way of giving to yourself more too, that old analogy of putting your own own oxygen mask on an airplane first before your children's. In order to look after others you need to look after yourself first

Is there away you can increase self care? carve time for you that makes you feel replenished in anyway? my own cancer diagnosis made me stop and think about how i had been caring about myself and wanting to change that. My hospital had a psychology team linked to the Oncology service and i asked for a referral from the CNS nurse, i was given 6 telephone sessions and it taught me to be more compassionate to myself - easier said than done - but it also helped me think about ways in which i could 'fill up my tank' 

I understand not trusting people, but it may be that if you can find a way of having hope that the next person you reach out too may not let you down you could try reaching out for support, perhaps a start could be calling the mcmillian helpline - they were great with me -  a listening and validating some of what i was experiencing - this could be a first step to getting support.

Sending a big hug your way, i hope you get the support you deserve Ana, and your children and animals sound very lucky to have you

Hi Ana AnaVibes and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the challenges you have had to navigate over the years.

Navigating a cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting support from people who have walked or are walking the ‘exact same' journey can help a lot. (I have a completely different cancer).

The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend that you look to join and put up your own post in our dedicated Breast Cancer Support Group.

This group is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support. To connect in with the group please click on the link below…….

Breast cancer

……. and once the group page opens you will see a [Black - Click to Join - Banner] at the bottom of the page, click in this box and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

You can then introduce yourself to the group by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.

The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial/work guidance or just a listening ear.

Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

Thanks moo, I know you're real by way you replied. 

The face mask in a plane analogy is wrong tho. Everyone dies. 

Ana

Hyper independent. Explain this pls

AnaVibes said:

Hyper independent. Explain this pls

This actually is a good one for google. Look up hyper independence. 

Ana your story is heartbreaking. Can you access counselling? I think it may offer you a little way out of this

AnaVibes said:

Thanks moo, I know you're real by way you replied. 

The face mask in a plane analogy is wrong tho. Everyone dies. 

Ana

We are all real here, this is Macmillan. If you mean Mike Thehighlander he is as real as everybody else here. If you've been here for a few months you'll see his is a stock reply but there is nothing wrong with that. It directs folks the right place and he helps thousands of them every year. 

Trust us. You've taken that first step, bless you. Try a few more

Dear Ana I was so sad as I read of all the trauma in your life and I’m full of respect and admiration for you and the way you have kept fighting your way through til now I’m 83, 3 kids, 6 grandkids, 4 great grandkids aI love dearly I have stage 4 melanoma cancer and breast cancer My life has had some struggles but I don’t have your personal strength and fighting spirit and once took an over dose. I just wanted to say please know God loves you and has seen your battles I’m praying you will be able to find all you need right now to give you the strength, restore your soul and give you hope for the future in Jesus name 

Im not expert on this but i was told i was this and it resonated a bit with me. I just googled it and the dreaded AI overview popped up but ive pasted it below as it felt like a good enough explanation 

Hyper-independence is an extreme form of self-reliance where an individual avoids relying on others, even when support would be beneficial. It's not just about being independent, but rather an avoidance of relying on others, often stemming from a trauma response.

hope you have had an ok day today. Your response to my plane analogy made me smile

You’ve been through hell and still keep going, that says everything.

It’s no wonder you’re exhausted. Anyone would be. This isn’t weakness, it’s burnout. You’re carrying way too much on your own.