Hello there. Have just gone through a difficult week. My mother lives (has lived) in Belgium for the past 15 years. She was 80 in 2023, and in reasonably good health, but I visited her in January and February 2024 and became very worried by her breathlessness, sudden weight loss and exhaustion. At the time, I was living in Brazil, so it was hard to monitor how/if she was looking after herself. She has always been very independent, but had been a lifelong smoker until she moved to Brussels in 2010 and has been alcoholic for decades. That said, she has been in robust good health until last year. We moved from Brazil to Luxembourg in July last year. We visited my mum and she came to us several times by train. However, by January this year, it was clear that she was really unwell. She swore black and blue that she was seeing a doctor, but this turns out to be have been a tissue of lies.
My husband (retired) and oldest (adult) son went several times to see her and to see if we could persuade her to move in with us, but she refused. My husband went to see her last Friday (seems a lot longer than a week ago), and found she had collapsed and had been wedged for 12-15 hours between her sofa and coffee table, since Thursday afternoon. He called me and I drove up from work. We decided we would drive back with her to Luxembourg as we were pretty sure she needed hospital, and it would be easier to have her close to us so we could visit daily.
It turns out we were only just in time. She needed to be admitted on Saturday, and then had operation on Monday. They took two tumours and a section of colon out around the appendix. When we saw her on Tuesday, she did look better. The surgeon and assistant surgeon gave us clear picture of what had taken place during operation and said if we had not found her and pushed to have her admitted, she would have died in 24-48 hours.
However, since the op and the initial rally, she seems to have deteriorated and thanks to public holidays and weekend rotas, we have not yet been able to pin down any medical information. There is further obstruction of her intestine higher up at junction between small intestine and stomach, and they have taken her for a scan to check as medic believes there is metastatic cancer in bladder and lungs. She has had blood transfusions, nasal drain to remove matter from intestine and today, potassium. She was able to stay with us mostly during our visits on Tuesday, Wednesday, but yesterday and today, she has faded into sleep/semi-awareness during the 90 minutes or so we have visited. We are waiting to hear from medical team. I am adjusted to the idea that she is dying, but I would like to understand how that may play out a little better. All I want for her to be in as little discomfort as possible - and if she slips away, fully accepting of that. But I know my two sons, her only grandchildren, would like to see her again if possible, and the lack of information is beginning to get to me a bit.
Hi Living in Benelux and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I was diagnosed with a different type of cancer to your mum I can fully understand the need to know what is happening.
The online community is divided into different support groups and I can see that you've already joined and posted in the bowel cancer group and hopefully the replies you've had are helpful.
When you have a minute, it would be great if you could put something about your mum's diagnosis into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
