Nearly three weeks ago, out of the blue, my brother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, we live around 5 hours drive from each other, I don’t drive, and my own health means travelling to see him is impossible.
He was in hospital to have a lung drained and fluid from around his heart removed too but is now home.
Everything I read says do not ask questions but I have so many, I know they are protecting me but I need to know what is happening etc. his partner emailed me yesterday and she said that they had had a busy day with the Hospice contact visiting them also Palliative care and other medical staff to help sort out ‘stragedies’ and meds as he has had problems sleeping.
They must be completely overwhelmed by it all, as well as strangers visiting all the time and I understand that but I have so many questions that I need answering too. I know that asking how long isn’t the best thing to do but I want to know, are they going to go ahead with any treatment to ease any pain (is that what they use it for at this stage of cancer where the diagnosis is terminal ?) and so many more questions..
I feel guilty for wanting to ask these questions.
I know they are protecting my mental health and I understand why they don’t want to talk but who do I talk too? Who can answer the above question’s and many more I have apart from them ? Having finally managed to post on this forum I may not be online all the time to see the answers so please don’t be offended if I do t answer straight away and thank you for reading.
Hi Rozenda and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your brothers diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you look to join and post in our…….
……. support group.
This group is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your brother and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer (If this is applicable)
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
Hi Rozenda I am so sorry to hear this, my sincere condolences.
This us a hard time to navigate, but talking to others can help a lot so you may want to join our dedicated Bereaved Family and Friends Support Group. to get some support ((hugs))
