I was diagnosed with stage 4 oesophageal cancer in November last year. I was quickly rushed to through to chemo and immunotherapy as I am young, 38, so they hit me with the most aggressive chemo they can.
I have just had my sixth and final round two week ago of this block and then the chemo stops. Since then I have felt a dark depression take hold of me and I don’t know what is the cause of it. Researching online seem to be normal that at the end of your cycle your mind can just burn out as you have done the fighting part and now it’s up to my body how long I have left.
I fell very little pleasure doing the things I used to enjoy. And I couldn’t have come at a worse time of Easter when I have 3 children under 8 at home to care for also.
I don’t know where to turn for help now. I have spoken to my nurses and was put on mirtazapine but after taking one I had bad thoughts of hurting myself which I have never had before. Medication doesn’t seem to sit well with me.
sorry for rambling it feels good to write this down.
Hi Michaeljohn and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I didn't have the same cancer as you I know what a stressful time it can be.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the oesophageal cancer group, as you'll then connect directly with others who have the same type of cancer as you to ask questions, share experiences and get support.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
