How to support my partner before her surgery

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My partner is have some aggressive surgery to remove a primary tumour on her adrenal gland and two metastatic tumours in her liver . She talked of dying this evening and it hit me like a train . I don’t know what to say for fear of it sounding selfish . Like I can’t live without her . I want to be brave but I’m scared . This is happening to her not me . I need help x

Harvestmoon 12 days ago

Of course you need help. I have seen the pain and anguish on my husband's face since my diagnosis and have spent many an hour worrying about him. In some ways I think it is harder for loved ones to watch someone going through treatment than actually doing it yourself. Try and be yourself as much as you can, be honest with each other, share your worries and allow her to share hers. Neither of you need to be brave. The Macmillan helpline is for relatives too so give them a call if you need to. Wishing you and your partner all the best xx

latchbrook 12 days ago

Hi Markt2230 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I didn't have the same type of cancer as your partner, I know how difficult a cancer diagnosis can be for the whole family.

The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend a few for you to join. The first one is the neuroendocrine cancer group, where you'll find others with primary adrenal gland cancer, and the second is the secondary liver cancer group. Both of these are great places to ask questions and share experiences around those types of cancers and their treatment.

The final group I'm going to suggest you take a look at joining is the supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you can connect with others to see how they're supporting their partners as well as receive support yourself.

To join all or any of these groups, just click on the links I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

It would be great if you could put something about your partner's diagnosis and treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

Markt2230 11 days ago in reply to Harvestmoon

Thank you x

Yes , I guess we need to talk . It’s easier for her if she doesn’t think about it though.

How are you with your cancer ? If I may ask

Mark

Markt2230 11 days ago in reply to latchbrook

Thank you so much Anne . This is extremely useful and I will look at joining all these groups .

Mark x

Harvestmoon 11 days ago in reply to Markt2230

I will guarantee you that she is thinking about it even if she is trying not too, It is really difficult to talk about it as it makes everything real, I think that is why this forum is so useful. She is probably trying to be strong to protect you and you are doing the same to protect her. Does your partner use this forum? I have found it a helpful place to share thoughts and fears without worrying my family while gaining reassurance at the same time.

If you read my profile you can see my journey (tap on the green chair by my name) Sending hugs to you both and hoping the surgery goes well xxx