I've been struggling on finding the right words for this, but I guess there isn't really a right or wrong way to put it.
My mums been diagnosed with (i think) pancreatic cancer and has an tumour that cannot be operated on. Will begin a course of chemotherapy. This fills me with dread that is out of this world.
She starts chemo in early March, and I'm aware I need to educate myself on the impact that's going to take on her mind and body. But I also work in talking therapy for NHS and travel every Monday to work. I coincide this travel to work to then see my partner, and I know she would be understanding if I didn't see her to help care for Mum. We've been together for 5 years and she's my rock. But I know that whole period once Mum does start it's going to be very difficult for me, but I know this is about her and not about me.
How can the strongest woman in my life be going through this? She's always been the rock for everyone, when anyone has been finding things tough. Her Sister, my Aunt, went through and battled cancer for a very long time before losing her battle and can't help but now think my Mum will the same. I feel so guilty for thinking and feeling this way. But that now seems to dominate my thinking. I know if it was any one else going through this, and I was struggling, she would tell me to not worry and that everything will be ok. But everything's not ok for her, and I know it.
And yet nothing seems to faze her. Or at least from what she's telling me. I know she doesn't want to worry me or my older siblings (1M and 1F) because she's always tried to protect us our whole lives from anything that could worry us. She often always tell us "I'm ok" or that "I don't need no help", but right now I want to help and I don't know what to do.
I'm not aware of any staging she is at. I spoke with my Brother yesterday and he claims to have asked my Mum this, but she reports she doesn't know. Now I find that very hard to believe and again feel she is just protecting us. But yet, that then fills me with more dread, and start to worry that her staging is quite advanced that we're not too far away from the worst being said.
I also worry about my Dad, and how he's coping. Or how he would cope if the worst was to happen. Now he's not the "domestic" type. I don't think I've ever seen him fry an egg for crying out loud (I laugh as I think about that), or do any hoovering, or make a bed, or clean a room - My Mum does everything in our household because that's the person she is. She looks out for everyone before doing anything for herself - The most considerate person I know.
Hi CarrF7 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community and, although I was the one with cancer, I understand how a cancer diagnosis impacts the whole family.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the pancreatic cancer group, which is a great place to ask questions about your mum's treatment and share experiences with others who have had chemotherapy. If it turns out not to be pancreatic cancer, then you could take a look through this list to choose the right group.
Another group would be the family and friends group which is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions with others who have a loved one living with cancer.
To join, just click on the links I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you know more about your mum's diagnosis it would be great if you could update your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
