So it's going to sound like a poorly written soap opera, but right now I feel a bit like a rabbit caught in the headlights with everything that's happening.
My youngest brother has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (hip and lung), told today 6 months without treatment, 12-18 months with aggressive treatment, maybe longer if he's lucky. If it's not working after 3 months they will stop the treatment.
My other younger brother is already in treatment for prostate cancer. He's doing well on the treatment, but has pretty much kept his siblings at arms length with updates and news on how he's doing despite our worry for him - and I mean to the point of ignoring our messages to even just ask how he is when we've not heard from him, and we have respected that it is his right to share what he wants when and if he wants.
My youngest sister has also been told in the last few weeks that she has chronic leukaemia, and is now on treatment but is assuring me that it is "the best" one to have because it's "very treatable" and has good outcomes.
My youngest brother wants me to be the one to tell our elderly mother about his diagnosis - he and his partner can't bring themselves to tell her because they are so overwhelmed themselves with everything and the prospect of his imminent treatment and whether or not it will be "successful" and give him a bit longer, as well as all the side effects that he's been warned he will experience. We don't know how she's going to take this - we lost a brother in his 20s a number of years ago and she was inconsolable then, so this time we are worried she will "give up", especially after she so recently lost her best friend and much of her independence due to her reduced mobility over the last year.
I am starting to feel a bit numb, to be honest. There's other things going on in the family as well that mean I am required to be a strong support and "the matriarch" for the family - a role I was put in for many years and thought I was able to release myself from for a while, and enjoy a wee bit of freedom, but circumstances seem to be dictating that I cannot escape this role in the near and foreseeable future.
I suppose I am asking for some direction on the best supports on the site to help me explain to my mother what's going on, what to expect, without her left feeling hopeless. Same for my brother and his partner.
I would also appreciate some for myself.
Hi amethyst_unicorn and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about all that us going n in your family.
A cancer diagnosis can be such a challenging and stressful time but you have multiples so getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so if you care to have a look through this link Cancer Specific Groups you will find all our dedicated cancer specific support groups listed.
These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your family and indeed yourself you may want to look through this link Cancer Experiences Group has many groups covering all aspects cancer journey both fir Patients, Spouses, Partners, Carers, Family and Friends.…… specifically our
Carers only (if you are their caregiver)
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
Good Evening amethyst_unicorn
I hope you don't mind me adding to Mike's (Thehighlander) great post above. I am Brian and I hang around on our Prostate group. I know you have so much going on at this time, however you need to look after yourself too. Prostate Cancer tends to follow the family line so can I ask you to:
* Ensure you have (if you haven't already) a PSA blood test yourself.
* Ensure that any male children of the family (you'rs and your brother's) are aware and they get tested around 45 years old.
Do get back to me if you have any questions.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
