Hello. I’ve just joined and have read some of your moving and sharing posts and well done for this reaching out and I can see bravery in everything I’ve looked at so far.
Support. That’s certainly why I’m here - for some support - but I’m a cancer veteran and survivor so hopefully can be of use here.
Prostate cancer is my latest thing and since I read that one or two other guys have that … well there is no doubt a forum for that and I’ll go there. And hang out with the bros.
I had NHL in the early 90s and it was late diagnosed so the ‘physician sent me into the examination room and told my wife I had no chance of survival. Well that was 33 yrs ago lol. There’s a whole lot to say about that but later.
I’ve had plenty of reasons to be cheerful and I helped to start up the local support group and raised children and kept my furniture business ( now retired) Seagull Furniture and ran it for 57 yrs in spite of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and deafness - both due to the cancer.
6months ago our beautiful and talented son of 34 yrs was diagnosed with MS which took the joy from his life and a couple of weeks ago while I was busy with this prostate cancer at hospital he strolled up to the local Premier inn and paid for a room and the next day after leaving a note on the door to call 999 and not enter he took his life.
It’s a pretty strange time having to select my C therapy and also reach out to a lot of his friends and do the practical things about a funeral. Went to a couple of funeral directors today and yesterday was at the police station where the revealed and helped us through the blackest piece of writing ever his 6 page essay on why life was a waste of time and he felt happy leaving.
Now don’t get me wrong - This isn’t a bid for one up man ship - a sort of Monty pythons’that’s nowt we used to live in paper bag in middle o road’ but a call to joy. My son wasn’t necessarily wrong - his brain was damaged but he could function - life may be a waste of time - ( spoiler) but you can still touch joy even in the darkest times and that is worth something. He couldn’t as MS had destroyed that brain area.
At the funeral place we had a good time and the lady was so kind and nice and then we went in the sweet shop for a treat and then I went to the gym and pool and talked with a friend and my daughter and I enjoyed cooking the dinner and drank a Guinness.
I read the page on toxic positive outlook. 33 years ago there was great pressure to be positive for survival but newer studies show that you can feel as miserable as you like and it won’t change the odds. Instead I’d say swap that false smile for an embracing of what you have and live that life of yours to the full and be kind to everyone ( well not everyone lol) . Mindfulness is big now and meditation is brilliant - I swapped my martial arts for yoga and later Pilates. I’m going back to those. I’ve got to pump iron I see to offset the HT and Radiotherapy - get some muscle.
Yeah ok, I probably am a bit toxic positive - probably high on the stress reaction but I’ll take that over the pit I could be in. And I’ll keep looking for those reasons to be cheerful not totally convinced by cheddar cheese and pickle).
Gosh where did all those words come from - sorry about that.
Hi SeagullF and welcome to the Macmillan Community and great to hear your story.
Navigating the cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting and giving support with others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type can help a lot.
As you may have seen the Community is actually divided into dedicated Cancer Support Groups (Discussion Rooms)………… and this link will bring up all our Cancer Specific Groups.
These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from members who are navigating the exact same journey.
I have been in my journey with 2 very rare types of T-Cell NHLs for over 25 years… and in the later years m, due to my age range the good old Prostate has being playing up but a clear biopsy a few years back put the mind at rest and now being tested every 6 months.
I am not sure if you are in the UK….. but do join some of our groups as I am sure that you and indeed the group members would benefit from chatting.
Hello SeagullF
Another warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community from me too. I am Brian another of the Community Champions here. I see you have been through the mill and have now ended up with a Prostate Cancer diagnosis.
I have Prostate Cancer myself and am in the 4th year of my personal journey. here on the Community we have our own forum or group and here's a link:
If you click on the link I have provided, this will take you to our group. When the page opens up just click on "join" on the black line at the bottom of the page. Once you have joined our group where you will find a friendly welcome why not introduce yourself in the "New Here - Say Hello" section by either copying and pasting or reposting your post from the New to the Community forum above.
I hope this helps and look forward to "meeting" you again in the Prostate group.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
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I read the page on toxic positive outlook. 33 years ago there was great pressure to be positive for survival but newer studies show that you can feel as miserable as you like and it won’t change the odds.
Hi. That is so so true. I am and have always been a glass half empty girl. It's stood me in good stead through the ups, downs and tumults of my life; prepared for the worst and pleasantly surprised when the sun shone. I got sick to the teeth of well meaning friends and family urging me to stay strong and positive when it was MY cancer and not theirs. I always suspected many of them were comforting themselves not me. I am six years out of treatment...proof positive that even miserable people get cured
Thank you for such an honest post; taken some courage to put that down in writing
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
