Hi
so I guess this is just me saying hello and kind of introducing myself and also saying why I'm here and how it all seemed to happen,I'm also just going to use this forum just to get things of my chest as I don't really have people that I can talk to other than family who are great don't get me wrong but I just don't want them to be upset with it all, so here goes hopefully I won't bore anyone to much.
So I guess nobody really wants to to be here but we're all here for whatever reason and I guess this is mine.
so yesterday which was the 4th February 2025 I went to hospital for a colonoscopy and I'll be honest I didn't want to go and thought about not going so many times but I work at the hospital where my appointment was and I know lots of people just don't turn up for many appointments and well I didn't want to be one of those people so I made myself go but in my head I already new what was wrong but I managed to make myself believe what everyone I'd spoken to that had told me not to worry as bowel cancer was a rare illness and I had nothing to worry about so I'm there lay on a trolly with a doctor about to go in with a little camera which for some reason it felt like the size of a house but she was doing it for a reason so I just went with it and I have to say it was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting and I'm going to just guess as I really don't have any idea how long it took but it really wasn't a long time but I'm going to say a couple of minutes in she asked for another doctor to be bought in now I'm trying to not think of a reason why she'd want someone else to be in the room and I'm also trying so hard not to look at at the monitor that is right next to me and I'm sure anyone in the same position is going to just glance at that screen and just hope they don't see anything that looks abnormal so yes i m looked and there it was a weird looking thing that just looks abnormal kind of like like a few lumps of just strange looking bubbles which were covered in blood and I just knew that was the the problem that had been causing my to be seeing blood near enough everytime time id gone to the toilet, what the actual F*** was it and why was the doctor now saying that she didn't think she could carry on and why was someone else now right in front of me trying to take my mind of what happening by talking to me asking what seemed to be the most random questions about where in the hospital I work and what is it that I do, now obviously I know why she was asking but at this point I'm scared and I really don't care that they can see I'm scared because well I'm scared but it's happening and I do t even k ow what happens next as I just seemed to go blank and I'm being wheeled into recovery.
so I'm now getting dressed which took a while as I feel like I've had so much air put in my body and I'm struggling to do the most basic things but I did it and well yes I felt so happy that I've managed to dress myself and I'm now in a room waiting to speak to the doctor that had come in second.
now what feels like days have gone by (which was probably about 5mins) and in walks the doctor along with one of the nurses from recovery and another nurse who was on of the macmillan nurses and yep it was happening i was told they found a mass now obviously there not 100% sure what it actually is but they've classed it as cancer and my world fell apart in the space of about 20 seconds I don't really know what was said as I'd literally switched off I didn't know what was happening what was being said I didn't know anything I just couldn't think and if I'm honest I didn't want as I was gutted, now I don't ever worry about anything as it really doesn't change anything so what's the point but at that moment I was worrying and I was worrying a lot, so it's happened I've been told the news and I've somehow managed to get my head straight so I've gone home and the same day I received the next appointment who's is on Sunday for my CT thorax abdomen pelvis with contrast scan and I've just recieved an appointment for another scan on the same day but at a different hospital so fingers crossed they both give me good results.
hopefully if you're reading this you've not fell asleep
I just have to say that all the staff yesterday at wythenshawe hospital were absolutely amazing and the macmillan nurse who I think was called Helen (I may be very wrong but she did say when she told me her name that I'd forget so there you go) was probably one of the nicest people I've spoken to you made me feel so calm and I have no idea how you did that so if you do see this I really can't Thankyou enough.
right I'm going to go now.
Thankyou for reading if you have done.
Hi Sbee and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community and I've had two cancer diagnoses over the last 8 years so have a pretty good idea how scared you're probably feeling right now.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the bowel cancer group, as I'm assuming from what you've said that that is the type of cancer your consultant thinks you have. I'm sure you'll find it's a great place to ask questions, share experiences and get support.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
If I'm wrong about the type of cancer that you have please let me know and I'll provide you with a link to the right group.
It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and tests to date into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
