I never ever thought I’d be writing this but on October 31sr 2024 at 08:00 my mum told me and my dad that she had been diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer which has spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. My sister told me in October that she has months to live. I was in between jobs as I can’t hold one down and was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (in my 50’s) so I am living with them as their full time carer as my father has multiple health conditions and dementia. Because of my conditions I feel emotions to an extreme and when mum told us I stopped eating for 4 days and couldn’t stop crying. I’ve been trying to pretend it’s not happening as I don’t want to face it but each time she has an ambulance called out, I get so so scared that I’ll never see her again. I’m crying writing this. I’m such an emotional person and I’ve told family that I can’t cope with or handle grief and am still not over losing my precious emotional support dog (Trixie) that I lost almost 5 years ago so I’m literally terrified of losing my mum. She’s been much more than my mum, because of how I am, mum has been my carer and support worker all rolled up into one and helps me to understand letters etc as I can’t process what I read. I know it’s selfish of me but I keep thinking about how I’ll cope with those things when I no longer have her. By being their carer it’s helping me as I am an overthinker and to stop me thinking, caring for mum and dad really helps as I’m too busy to think and that’s how I’ve coped so far. My dad keeps saying he doesn’t want to live without mum and I’ve said the same. I have told my sister that I need to get a will sorted as I feel ill either die of a broken heart or suicide as I don’t feel I can live without her either. Mum is my life. We love doing the same things and going to the same places and watching the same tv programmes like Strictly. Watching it last Christmas was so hard as I kept thinking it will be the last one we see together and that made me cry so much. Each night when I’m on my air bed in the lounge I pray to god that he will not take my mum for many more months as I need more time with her. It just doesn’t seem real.
Hi VickyR and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum, sister and all the challenges you are dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum, sister indeed yourself and the rest of the family you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
