My mother-in law died in May 2024 following a 2 year fight with cancer of the digestive system. The aftermath has been incredibly challenging, but my wife has been coping very well all things considered and is confronting all the emotions rather than suppressing or attempting to ignore them. We also have a young daughter who has been a welcome distraction and source of joy (mostly) for both of us. One issue has emerged that I'm not sure how to tackle and I was hoping someone in one of these forums may have some useful insight.
Relations with my wife's family (stepdad, dad, nan, auntie etc who all live far away) have been very difficult since her mum died, so in many ways she is grieving the loss of her mum AND a lot of her family that lived in the same area as they have just not been there for her.
My parents are still around, but live a few hours drive away. I can tell (as can my parents) that my wife is keeping them at arms reach since her mum died. It is clear that she finds it difficult spending time with my parents when, in essence her "parents" died when her mum did, in particular seeing my parents enjoy time with our daughter is clearly very painful for her. I keep telling myself that in time that emotional "block" that is causing my wife to keep my parent's at arms reach will reduce, but my parents are desperate to spend more time with their granddaughter and I am finding it increasingly difficult to balance wanting them to have more opportunities, but also respecting the fact that my wife sort of views this as a necessary evil rather than something to enjoy. I know this is a very niche challenge, but I'm sure there are others who have experienced something similar, perhaps even someone who has been in my wife's shoes and can relate to why she feels like she can't embrace a closer relationship with my parents. I think this would help me empathise with her and also help me manage my parent's expectations about spending time with us. Thanks in advance.
Hi Lorgar and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m very sorry to read that your mother-in-law passed away last year and of the difficulties your wife is dealing with.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the bereaved family and friends group which will give you the chance to talk to others who have lost a family member to cancer.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
If you have any problems negotiating the community I'll be pleased to help.
Anne
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
