Good morning all, Happy New Year….
So I’m not sure where to begin as I really do feel I’m still in a state of shock….. so I shall start by where I think it might of all began. …
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work and when I moved a certain way I can only describe as what I thought was the underwire in my bra digging in me. So after a few pulls and prods throughout the day I made a mental note to get rid of the bra, as you do. So this continued for a few days with different bras, so I just presumed that from all the poking and prodding to get comfortable that I must have made my boob a bit sore. I must add the last couple of years I have been going through the menopause too so figured my boobs must be going through changes too so didn’t really take notice as such apart from thinking here we go again just another symptom! 
. So a few days later I get a dull ache sort of in my armpit area, but it only seemed to last a couple of days so yet again put this down to the aches and pains of menopause, as there have been a few! So last Saturday after my bath for some reason I just start to check my boobs. My boobs have always much felt the same so I knew what I was sort of expecting to feel. My right boob was the same as usual but my left boob I could feel what I thought felt like a small sausage like shape almost at the top of my boob but more towards my armpit. This did not seem to hurt but I literally spent the whole day and night poking, prodding, trying to see if I was imagining what I could feel. I must admit the next day I was in a lot of pain and my armpit hurt also.
I rang my doctors on Monday morning and was given an acute appointment for the very same day. This alone started to scare me as I learned this was classed as urgent. So at my appointment I had the most amazing doctor. After explaining to her the above and after my examination she confirmed she could feel what I had felt. I was immediately told about the 2 week plan to get an appointment where I would be scanned etc in one day. So my appointment is tomorrow at Solihull Hospital at 10am! I tried to get into the QE which is literally 5 minutes away but there were no appointments available. I was told however once I have attended this appointment and if there should be any further treatment needed I can opt for the hospital of my choice.
To make matters worse, on Thursday I had tonsillitis for which I was laid up in bed feeling sorry for myself. And this is where I had a mini breakdown. I feel like I have indigestion, or a pressure on my chest, so as you do I hit Google and that’s where I am thinking it has spread into my lymph nodes and chest wall. I was told by the doctor if there is pain that is a good sign, but now I don’t know if the pain is from the poking and prodding or it literally hurts. I know I am mentally thinking all sorts, but I can’t stop. I had my third mammogram in April and it came back clear. The first one I had was tests which all proved negative, thank god. scary as I was told that I have a lot of dense breast tissue and as they didn’t have previous records to go on I had further exams which proved negative thank god!
The only person who knows is my partner. Though my daughter suspects something is wrong because on Thursday evening I had a complete breakdown with uncontrollable sobbing and then the silent tears. I am already pushing him away as his wife passed of lung cancer as did my husband, so I do not want him to go through this again. We both live in our own homes currently, him alone, and me with my daughter who is 26. I have made the decision to attend my appointment on my own.
I am sorry for the long post, but thought I would give a background into this. I am normally a very private person but I don’t know what to think or feel apart from the fact I’m going to die…. and I
scared. I just know I don’t and won’t put my family through this again!
I don’t think I’ve posted this for any answers, I think after having so many days to reflect on this information, I feel I am just posting for my own sanity, but in reality wishing this was just a dream
Hi Nyla41 and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community.
Navigating a diagnosis journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting support from people who have walked or are walking the ‘exact same' journey can help a lot. (I have a completely different cancer).
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we look to try and direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms)...... but I can see that you have already joined our dedicated......
....support group.
This group is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support. To connect in with the group please click on the link above then once the group page opens you can then introduce yourself to the group by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
