We started dating 2 years ago but his pain and varying diagnoses has meant that this has been a patchy relationship.
He is 69 with HPV throat cancer which is now terminal with 5 months. However, radiotherapy brought on anorexia (cachexia?), and he hasn't eaten for at least a month. Prior to that, it has only been the odd sip of Ensure. He is drinking heavily, initially to soothe the soreness in his throat but now admits he has become an alcoholic. He is vaping a lot too, having given up smoking fifteen years ago.
He was still a strong, vital man in April this year but is now just bones held together with skin.
A friend offered to look after him in Devon. He vacated his flat in Sussex, moved all his worldly goods down there & she apparently couldn't cope with him falling over all the time. So within two weeks, unable to afford to bring back his possessions so armed only with a few items of clothing and bits, he was back in Sussex with nowhere to go so he found a cheap hotel. They however aren't keen on the falling over either.
No longer registered with a GP, he doesn't have the energy to sort this admin. I intended to take him to the surgery today but he backed out. What he really needs is a hospice. He would refuse a stay in hospital because they have just nagged him in the last year.
If it weren't for the drinking, and his plan to end things himself if death doesn't come soon, I would gladly have had him move into my home. But I work full time and have to travel away within the next fortnight. I love him dearly but I don't want to get caught up in any investigation into his end. Believe me, I have tried to coax him into eating. He is just repelled at the thought of it.
The GP surgery is bound to have no vacancies so can they still provide assistance with a move into a hospice? Or some other nursing home?
He is ready to go. I need to move fast. Death by pills and alcohol would be horrific. Whilst still registered in Devon, he hated it there and hasn't the strength for the journey. And he'd still have nowhere to stay.
I am very emotional. I know I will lose him soon but I just want this to be the best experience it could be.
Hello The Christmas Cactus
A warm welcome to the Macmillan online Community - although I am so sorry to find you here under these circumstances,
I am Brian on of the Community Champions here. I can fully understand your concern for your boyfriend and let me say at the outset I will see what help I can arrange in the morning - in the meantime if you have any concerns that he intends to end his life/is trying to you MUST telephone 999.
You can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day on 116 123 or by e-mail on jo@samaritans.org
Can I please ask you - for your own emotional support - and to get as much help as possible to contact our Support Line first thing in the morning on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) - Will you please do this for me??
I do hope the above helps and please make that call first thing in the morning.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
