I have a very complex relationship with my father, traumatic childhood etc etc for the last 5 years he refuses to answer any messages and last time we spoke was at his original diagnosis, He at that time had stage 3 colon cancer and stage 3 COPD .At that time covid had just hit and he decided he was going to isolate as going into hospital and the threat of covid worried him more then both his illnesses .I accepted his choice and supported it
During the last year he has had the bowel operated on and completed a few rounds of chemo , it has since metastasized to both liver and lungs , Lung capacity is very low from the COPD so that's inoperable and I have been informed he will undergo further chemo in the new year ,The colon has gone into remission .
I cannot provide him with any support he wont allow it, I have reached out , he wont even look at messages anymore, the only contact I have with regards to his wellbeing is through my older sister
My instinct is to be a good daughter , to be whatever he needs me to be ,I feel like I am in a constant fight in my head wanting to take care of him but knowing he is really toxic and being there for him would just allow him to hurt me again,He hasn't been around for me at all so when his time comes it wont change anything in my day to day life but my heart wants to be there
I love him very much and I know the survival rate with his other illnesses isn't looking good I can accept that but am I the only person facing this kind of grief unable to offer anything and wanting to so very much?
Hi lost2 and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your fathers diagnosis and the challenges you have.
A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your father and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our….
……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
