I am not familiar with this keyboard type of interacting - don't do social media etc! Anyhow, I can't do this on my own any longer - after 11mths of treatment for advanced prostate cancer which I have been told is going to kill me (I did ask the oncologist to use direct as opposed to medical language), I can no longer put on a brave face, people please, and pretend everything is "fine" - it isn't. I had a 1:1 at work and out of nowhere at the end I started crying because I've had enough of all this pretending, enough of the treatment, enough of the pain, enough of the poor sleep, the meds, the medical apps etc.
I have noticed a (seemingly) rapid deterioration in my ability to do things to a point where just getting in and out of my car now requires effort - simple things I did in the blink of an eye are now leaving me breathless, having to take a moment before carrying on and I hate it!
I know I'm being self centred, wallowing in self pity and recognise there are thousands of people far worse off than me - this in turn puts up a barrier to joining this community or admitting that I can't do this on my own. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and use the 12 Steps on a daily basis to stay sober as well as applying this to my diagnosis ie keeping things in the day, the here and the now. I've not had a drink for over 6.5yrs now and for anyone out there with an alcohol problem too, you'll understand that that's a miracle in itself!
So, it has been suggested I seek out like minded folk, a group who understand I guess, and stumbled on this site. Perhaps I should be having some form of counselling, I don't know. Perhaps the protective shield of denial is wearing thin and the physical reality / limitations now coming to the fore which in turn is making the brain sit up and take note - hey, something really isn't right, and then the words of the oncologist ring even louder in my ears, "the cancer is going to kill you".
May the God of your understanding bless you and keep you safe.
Hi JR0064 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
Having a cancer diagnosis can be an incredibly hard thing to deal with but within this community you no longer need to pretend that everything is alright.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the prostate cancer group which is a great place to ask questions, share experiences and get support.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and treatment to date into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
Hello JR0064
I have noticed your post and thought i would introduce myself - i am Brian - i hang around on our Prostate Community, being diagnosed 3 years ago - I have been here a while.
Our little community is a great place to chat, vent and exchange ideas - come on in and join us - here's the link again-
Just click on the link i have provided and once the page opens up, click on loin on the black banner at the bottom of the page. Once you have joined us you can introduce yourself in the "New Here - Say Hello section" you are very welcome.
I look forward to "meeting" you again (If you want to know more about me and my journey - click on my name or avatar).
Best wishes - Brian
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
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