Hi, my Dad had many rounds of chemo then 37 (almost consecutive) days of radiotherapy which finished a couple of months ago. I live a significant distance from him - work have been pretty good so I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with him but he’s quiet re when his significant appointments are so not attended any with him. He lives alone, has had multiple strokes and his memory is significantly below par so I’m not sure he’s taking away all what’s been said or simply whether he doesn’t want me to know. He says of his latest appointment consultant says he’s got a good two years in him with daily chemo tablets and monthly injections (can’t have any more radio as it’s damaged his bowel). A) I didn’t think you could be on chemo for 2 years b) he regularly forgets to take his other meds so concerned re self administered chemo c) struggling to decipher whether he’s not being fully honest or genuinely doesn’t know what’s been said d) am I being utterly selfish re wanting to be there, look after him despite his protestations (yet he’s mardy with me if I do I he says and don’t go see him). I want to understand and respect his wishes but fully conflicted as I don’t believe he knows himself. What do I do?!?
Hi Kay81 and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your dad.
Navigating a cancer journey in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey so don’t have the right experience.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support.
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you look to join and post in our……
……. support group.
This group is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your dad and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
