New here today

I’m in a very similar situation as you, my elderly aunt was diagnosed this week with ovarian cancer which has spread alarmingly to other organs. She is so weak, she seems to be fading so fast. She refuses to eat though she is drinking. 
Like you, I’m scared and worried I’m not doing enough, she refuses to let me contact her GP also.

Hi Sjd200 and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your dad.

A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.

This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your dad and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……

     Carers only 

     Supporting someone with incurable cancer

……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.

You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

Hi DevonKassy and a warm welcome to you and sorry to hear about your elderly aunt.

Please do have a look through the information I have put up in my reply to Sjd200 and do get back to me if I can further in any way.

1. No advice, but you are not alone. My husband  was diagmosed 3 months ago with stage 4.  Out of the blue. Now, like you, nurse, carer, done with love. So stressful, to encourage eating, drinking etc. There are days were you feel so helpless, other days that are more positive. Ask him, what would make him feel more like himself. 
2. You are not helpless, you a are caring child. I understand your helplessness.

Take deep breaths, you can only do so much. I feel your pain

That’s so much Mike 

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice xxx

So sorry to hear about your Aunt x it’s so hard isn’t it and to know what to do for the best x drop me a message any time and we can be scared & worried together x

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I nursed my dad at home when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He too had one round of chemotherapy but was too weak to continue. He was in hospital and was told he was end of life. At this point he was sleeping, not eating and not communicating. I brought him home. Organised a hospital bed for him and got end of life carers to come four times per day. (Something the hospital can organise for you! Free of charges) they are so caring and lovely and helps to keep your dads dignity. You can also arrange a night time nurse to watch your dad overnight, so you can get some sleep, through Marie curie. Dad really rallied and had good quality time at home, watching tv and films, having visitors, he started eating and chatting and was comfortable and surrounded by his things and people he loved. Ask the nurses for a in case box with all his medicines and pain relief available. Ask to be trained how to administer pain relief, if it’s needed in middle of night (we live very rural) 

it will be very hard to nurse your dad, but it will give you such quality time with him and to know that your looking after his every need will give you comfort in the future. Ask for help and guidance along the way.Good luck my love, your doing the right thing x

Thank you so so much for your advice x I normally live 2 hours from Dad but have moved in with him, so he is not by himself. The issue is he only has a 1 bed flat and I sleep on a camp bed in the living room, so he likes to get up when he can’t sleep. I’m currently working remotely full time so when he sleeps through the day, I’m working so this is catching up with me and I am totally knackered lol x 

when our palliative nurse came she did mention the just in case medication, but that was about 3 weeks ago haven’t got it yet, but then I’m thinking do I need it yet ?? Maybe I should ask the question. You have been such a great help. Thank you. How are you doing ? Take care xxx

Hi Sjd200 - Sorry to hear about your dad. Do you not get any help?

You should talk to your GP or a hospital Social Worker - you are entitled to help!

It's ok to say ' I can do this myself', but...........................

fatz x