Grief before death

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My mum got diagnosed with stage 4 Colon cancer about 6 weeks ago, she has rapidly declined, is losing motor functions and is currently non verbal. We have been told yesterday that best case mum has 3 months-ish if she continued with chemotherapy ( which is making her more sick) or less without. Obviously we just want her to be pain free and as comfortable as possible and able to say goodbye to everyone, so she will likely go into hospice. What I am really struggling with is how quickly this has all happened, I feel like I am grieving already and she is still here. 

Does anyone have any advice for myself, dad and brother? Feeling totally lost while trying to stay strong for mum.

  • Hi  and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum and the journey you and your family are on.

    A cancer diagnosis in the family like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.

    This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support.

    The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum, yourself and the rest of the family you may benefit from joining and posting in our……

         Family and Friends

         Carers only (if you are their caregiver)

         Supporting someone with incurable cancer

    ……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

    When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.

    You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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