I should probably say hello and all that but today does not feel like a day for consideration to others.
This year I have had to hold together other families that are dealing with life altering changes from cancer to family dynamics so I don't even feel like dealing with a potential cancer scare is a start but rather an extension.
I am angry. I was telling professionals I was tired and was told, I am menopausal, I am post menopausal. I told them I felt there was something wrong with my kidneys because of the frequency to the toilet.
I am just menopausal, I am old, I am female.
I have a problem with my knee...just old, it is arthritis but we can screen to confirm. Torn ACL so yay, surgery. (Insert eye roll)
I have a possible dvt in my leg...we screwed up, thank you for following directions, please take these pills and we will check you tomorrow. No. You will check me today.
I will hold my own hands up. Did I push hard? No, I can't say that I have.
What I can say is people should have been listening and seeing me...I mean actually seeing ME. Not the next item on an assembly line.
I am the strong one. I am the adopter who helps wherever possible and I will see my 20th anniversary.
So I am also the one who is practical and does not get freaked out or panic because it doesn't bring solutions.
And I am crying because in my heart I know the test results. I know I have the highest result possible for the red flag and chances are, no matter how optimistic I am, I have colon cancer.
I can not talk to my best friend yet. She has cancer, just got it this year.
I can not put it in front of my husband because he is on the verge of of a very needed promotion and I don't want me to be his stumbling block.
So here I am, talking to people I do not know.
I am angry, I am crying and I am already tired in my soul.
Today I will hold a private pity party. Tomorrow I will start putting steps into place for the next part of my journey. This is neither the beginning or the end.
I see no reason to do anything more than to make the adjustments and carry on.
Thank you for listening
Hi Qara and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but I am sorry to hear about your possible diagnosis and the challenges you have been abd are still dealing with.
Navigating this unwanted journey can be a stressful and challenging time but getting support from people who have walked or are walking the ‘exact same' journey can help a lot. (I have been in n my incurable cancer journey for over 25 years now but I have a completely different cancer).
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we look to try and direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend that you look to join and put up your own post in our dedicated Bowel Cancer support group.
This group is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support. To connect in with the group please click on the link below…….
Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer
……. and once the group page opens you will see a [Black - Click to Join - Banner] at the bottom of the page, click in this box and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
You can then introduce yourself to the group by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
