Dad passed away due to kidney cancer

Hello, 

My dad recently passed away on the 26th August. 

He was diagnosed on the 24th June with kidney cancer, he had been having some pains in his stomach for a few days after we returned from our holiday to Spain. He went to the GP, who referred him to the hospital as they thought he may have had kidney stones. While they scanned him, they found a large tumour on his kidney.

We were told this isn’t good news but actually it isn’t that bad because they could just remove the tumor and the kidney. So, they sent my dad home and we waiting 3 weeks until 15th July for his operation. He had gone into hospital a few days before this date, for another scan. The day before the operation they called and said they were unable to go ahead as the cancer had spread closer to his heart. 

He was given an appointment in Heath hospital in Cardiff to see a surgeon, higher up. Upon doing checks on his heart etc, they also werent able to operate as they didn’t believe he would survive the operation. 

We were then told that a biopsy was needed to find out exactly what cancer he had, but they failed to do this as his blood was too thin for the biopsy to go ahead. 

Within two days, my dad deteriorated rapidly, he could barely open his eyes, couldn’t talk and very confused. I was told by the nurse that he was just very tired and is resting. I knew this was not the case, and asked to speak to a doctor. 

The doctor then told us that they would do another scan to see what was going on. The scan was able to show that the cancer had progressed significantly and there was blood clots on his heart. So, they told us that it wasn’t looking good and to be expect the worst. 

He passed away the next day. 

I have never felt a pain like this in my life, I have lost grandparents but I did not feel this way. We were so close, me and my dad, he was my best friend we did everything together and I worshipped the ground he walked on. I can’t remember the last time we went more than a few hours without speaking or seeing each other. 

I can’t put into words how much I miss him. My little boy is 1 next week and I feel heartbroken that he won’t get to see him grow up. Everytime I look at my son, I get an overwhelming feeling of sadness. 

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get through this as best I can, as I feel like my whole world has fallen apart. 

Thank you x