So this is the first time in over 15 months me seeking a support page or finding people who are going through similar things. I think it's because I'm only just now realising, I maybe need some help in dealing with this. First, I will tell my story and all my feelings surrounding it.
I am 28 and so is my best friend I will call G. We have been the best of friends since we were 4 years old. Me and him have had other best friends in our lives but he is the ONLY friend I have ever had that I could tell anything to. All the small little thoughts in my head whether good or terrible I would say it to. I knew him inside out and him the same to me. He would meet me daily when I finish my shift at 11pm we would chat, and he would walk me home.
For about 7 months I knew something wasn't right with him. Small things like a tremor and depression (I pushed him to go the GP). After months of pushing, he went, and they diagnosed him with vitamin D deficiency and maybe depression. I didn't take that for an answer and pushed him to go back. After it got really bad, and I KNEW in myself something was really wrong. I even sat down with my family and cousin (who is also his close friend) and said something was neurologically wrong with him. I even said a brain tumour. Everyone told me I was being silly and dramatic. Then one day my cousin sat down with me and said I think you're right there is something neurologically wrong. I said, so what should we do, she said let's wait for him to go work this weekend and we can sit with his mum and tell her we think its urgent. That SAME day he went to work, and he couldn't walk up the stairs. His mum took him to A and E where he had a mass on the brain. After the biopsy a month later, it was found to be cancerous. Glioblastoma. Inoperable. I don't even want to go into that period of time because it’s too painful. He done 6 weeks of radio where he was really sick. The dynamics of our friendship had changed. I was now walking him home and taking care of him.
That time you see who your real friends are. In the first 2 weeks after his cancer diagnosis, he had all “friends” all around him. But when it gets nitty and gritty, no one was there. It’s hard to hear your best friend has cancer and probably will die in a year best, and to just go back to work and normal life. It's really affected me. But every day at 4pm on my break I will call him. When he's going through radio sitting with him whilst he's puking in a restaurant and joking about it to try to keep the same humour our relationship has always been built on. When the cancerous brain tumour has made him aggressive and rude... I’m still there.
He was given 15 months with treatment. After the radio he done chemo. He finished all the chemo that they said that they would do in this June just gone. Had a scan and they said a tiny decrease, but they won't do any more treatment. He has another scan in September where they are just keeping their eye on it. To me he is good and not really sick, so I don't believe the 15-18 month prognosis they gave him. I think I’m just venting but if anything, I want to ask is how long do you think he will live if he is still good in health and spirit?
For me it’s really difficult. I feel like I'm going through grief already. Not of him dying and not being here, but grieving the version of him he was before, that I have lost. But when eventually his time comes, I am going to go through it all again.
I don't really have any questions I guess I am just venting, and I will maybe seek help for my own mental wellbeing and how it has affected me. I feel ready for that now. I guess the only question I have is how long do you think a 28 year old male who was diagnosed with cancer (stage 4 glioblastoma) in January and started treatment in June 2023 and who is still in good spirits and good health as it seems will live? I know you can't really answer me but anyone who has gone through the same thing. Am I looking at months or years?
Hi maisymay03 and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your best friends diagnosis and the challenges you are dealing with
A cancer diagnosis like this can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of incurable cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and put up a post in our……
……. support group.
This group is a safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your friend and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
and our
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
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