Hi,
Bit of a brain dump to let it all out.
In the space of 8 weeks we have gone from thinking my Mum had a long virus to emergency bowel surgery (mass) to diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer, planned hysterectomy and chemo. On Wednesday, we have had the news that the cancer has spread too much for surgery, and due to the type of cancer (sqaumous malignant conversion of the dermoid cyst) that we are now looking at palliative chemo. We were looking at months at best.
Just as we are starting to get our heads around that, my Mum's pain has shot up and she is really not coping. Another scan has been requested as its appears the cancer has spread further. She is back in hospital as she asked for their help but the on call Doctor won't do anything until her consultant (who isn't really her consultant anymore as she is due to transfer to the cancer centre on Tuesday) says so tomorrow. She is on pretty low levels of Oxycodone so feeling very frustrated that they didn't adjust her even a little until tomorrow (long and short acting - I know from a consultant pharmacist that the on call dr could have approved this). I am finding this the hardest part - seeing in her in pain. If we can't get a grip on this, I can't see her being physically or mentally well enough for chemo... which leads to...
I am not even sure I want her to have chemo - it seems selfish on my part for her to have it, to keep her longer, but at what cost? My grandmother also had ovarian cancer and ended up stopping the chemo as it was too much (I do know that experiences will vary and maybe it will be better for my Mum). I just want her to be pain free and at peace as we face the end. I think my Mum did want chemo but the pain is too much for her at the moment.
Right now, it feels like we only have days with my Mum as she is not eating or drinking (she's on a fluids drip right now). This could of course be temporary. Maybe the consultant will get a good pain management plan in place and she feels a little better and can manage some foods and build some strength back up. Maybe I'm just in the (understandable) pit right now.
That was longer and more rambling than I expected but thank you for reading if you made it this far.
Hi PettyP and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
and
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
