Hi all. This is my first post here. My mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 8 years back and it has now come to the stage where she can no longer be offered treatment and we have been told she has months to live.
My mum lives in Abu Dhabi and I travel every month to be with her for a week. Every time I come back there is the guilt of leaving her and the fear of what’s to come.
Mum has good days and bad days. On bad days the guilt gets worse and on good days I’m hopeful.
All this requires a lot of juggling around family and work. My husband does a wonderful job of looking after the home and our teenagers while I’m away; but we soon as I’m back he gets busy with his own things: He plays cricket on weekends and evenings; if he is not playing he is busy with the kids cricket or on WhatsApp on his cricket groups.
I feel so lonely; I feel I’m in this alone. When I complain he asks me what support I need; I have no answer. I don’t know what I need; my mind is always thinking of mum. When I’m having fun; I feel guilty. I talk to people but no one has been through this. I feel my role in life is to support my mom, be a good mum, wife and employee. Be there for my family but sometimes it I become selfish and want someone to think about me? May husband thinks I should go with him to the cricket fields and hangout with the other families but I don’t feel like I want to. If I don’t go he just goes and plays. Leaving me with my thoughts and feelings.
Is this normal? How can I overcome sadness for an event that’s hasn’t taken place yet?
Hi Eela10 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our
Family and Friends (that I see you have joined)
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
