My dad just went for prostate tests and scans in February this year, they found a lump in his bowel which turned out to be cancer. They removed it early March and he now has a permanent colostomy bag. He had never been in hospital before and albeit a big operation, he has coped well and is managing his bag. We had follow up scans and after seeing his consultant a few weeks after we have been told it has spread to his liver and is not curable. My mum had to have half her kidney removed last Wednesday because of a cancerous tumor and this was the same day as my dad's oncologist appointment. So, while she was under the knife, we got the news that without treatment he has 3-6 months to live or with 12, maybe 18 months! He also has DPYD gene in his blood so they can only give 50% of the chemo initially because his body works struggle to break it down and the side effects would be really bad and could be fatal. My heart is broken for him, my mum who has just got out of hospital after her operation and who also has heart failure after sepsis triggered her AF in December and me :( I'm the oldest of 4 and the only daughter and I don't know how to cope with this. Every morning I feel sick and I can't stop crying, I'm worried what he is now going to have to go through and how long he's got. He's 73 and just retired in February, he is well at the moment and is loving doing his garden. I also have my first grandchild coming in a few weeks, I'm excited but also so gutted about this situation, I can't be how I want to be in terms of excitement. I really don't know how to cope with this, I'm trying to be so positive for my parents, saying we'll put the brakes on this bugger, you'll he here for a good while yet etc, but I'm scared, really scared :( Any one been through this or had treatment with the DPYD gene, any advise, support would be so much appreciated xx
Hi Devastated Daughter and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your mum and dad’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our……
Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer
……. support groups. These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum, dad and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with the groups click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
