Primary lung cancer T4 & secondary brain cancer

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Hi, hubby diagnosed on 17/05/24 with the above after not being able to use his left hand/arm! Admitted & that’s the outcome! To say I was shocked, surprised then devastated is an understatement! 
Long story short went in on Friday exactly 4 weeks to the day for Gamma Knife surgery on his brain! Initial mri on 17/05 showed 5 lesions but mri on Friday showed 7 2 more had appeared in 4 weeks! Procedure went well but unfortunately where the lesions were it has affected his vision and balance!! 
Also he had a biopsy in his neck which came back positive! So now we have a consultation with a doctor next week which I’m hoping they can tell us if there is any treatment to help him elongate his life, they have told us it is incurable due to being in both lungs! 
We will have been married 46 years in August & am hoping he will still be here for our anniversary! He is a very proud man & the way this disease has affected him is heartbreaking! He is a veteran and got to the rank of Major after working his way up the ranks from private so he can’t believe after everything he has done, something he can’t see is killing him! I’m not coping well but am trying to help him as much as I can without him thinking he is useless! Which he isn’t but is still trying to do things he can’t! Since the treatment on Friday his balance & vision has deteriorated vastly & he keeps bumping into things. 
im trying my best but feel I’m in a living nightmare, 6 weeks ago we were planning a holiday away but how much can change in such a short time! Our kids, who are spread around the country and down under, are trying to help but they don’t see what happens behind closed doors!!! 
I want to scream & shout “Why him?!!” Cry till I can’t stop! I just need a hug & kiss from him, the man I love to tell me “I Love you” & know that he means it & knows I love him forever! We have a consultation with his oncologist doctor on Tuesday so hopefully they can tell us the treatment, if any, they are going to do!

thank you for reading & any advice or help would be greatly appreciated xxx

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. 

    A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.

    This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our……

             Lung Cancer

             Brain, secondary tumours

    ……. support groups. These group are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.

    As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……

          Carers only

          Supporting someone with incurable cancer

    ……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

    When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.

    You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hello I am so sorry to read about your husband it is heart wrenching diagnosis. My dad (73) is awaiting biopsy VATS surgery to confirm his lung cancer. He’s had a pleural effusion which was tested for cancer but didn’t show anything. His CT scan says differently , many nodules in a bobbing rough pleura around lung suggestive of cancer. Doctors are talking about it might not be primary it could even be secondary but we are waiting and waiting for biopsy because until it’s in black and white they don’t know how to treat this, if that’s what it is. Like yourself it devastates the whole family. He’s a great grandad to my two very young children just 4 and 2. And we are stuck in limbo not knowing if it’s spread. It doesn’t bear thinking about. I have cried so much too feels like my soul is being ripped out. His balance is a bit off too but he has terrible chest pains losing lost lots of weight barely eating some days more than 3 slices of toast!. He has tummy troubles too. There is lots of question markers. Did your husband have his biopsies fairly quickly from letter referral  ? We have waited already 2 weeks since letter sent on 6 June just the for pre-op appointment and not heard anything yet saying that haven’t got any appointment space yet. My dad terrified but his sense of urgency is kicking in now I think send lots of hugs