Last Friday my wonderful husband and I were given the news that he has terminal lung cancer stage 4 adenocarcinoma that is in his lymph nodes and possibly brain. He is only 49 years old.
It’s floored us all, we have 8 children and 12 grandchildren 3 of which we foster due to the mums poor mental health condition.
We were about to buy a house and move and now everything has come crashing down around us. We both have a strong faith but I’m honestly rocked, he is my everything, he is strong, healthy, hard working,
he suffered a pericardial effusion in April, and I knew then it was lung cancer I don’t know how I knew I just did, I didn’t however in my wildest moments imagine it was too far to cure, our family is beyond distraught. He is the strong patriarch who is always so strong and stoic.
He hates medical care and is needle and anything clinical phobic today he had an MRI on his brain and nearly had a panic attack, the radiographers wouldn’t slow down, explain everything and took his glasses off him before he was ready so he couldn’t see anything. This man is not one for crumbling I’ve seen him cope with real stress and grief over the years, but he sobbed all the way home, like a traumatised child - it’s broken me.
He has to have a pericardial window fitted next week and then chemo and immunotherapy afterwards to try and prolong life and shrink the cancer, he’s in agony every morning with pain in his jaw and head, he’s breathless and constantly trying to drink red hot tea to cope with the lymph node discomfort in his upper chest.
I’m juggling so many balls right now, I am a long term disabled due to fibromyalgia I home educate our youngest, with the fostering and all the social services, specialists, court, legal teams, our daughters legal defence for two charges, the purchase of one house the sale of another, organising insurances and pensions etc I’m not sleeping or eating and I’m scared stiff I’m going to lose my best friend and the love of my life, he is literally my everything.
His appetite is next to nothing and yet he would usually eat like a horse, he is so uncomfortable, his voice is going so even having a conversation can be exhausting and frustrating for him. I’m worried he’s becoming depressed (not surprising really), he’s petrified of treatment and the upcoming surgery
where do I start to support him and my children get through this awful time.
Hi MrsFooFighter and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but I am so so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our……
……….. support group. This group is a safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [ Black - Click to Join - Banner ] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
