Hi everyone,
I'm new here and as the 'strong daughter' (middle of 3 girls) this feels incredibly alien to me. The fact is I'm normally the emotional support for my mum and sisters, I've attended most the medical appointments, and heard 1st hand the devastating news "It's stage 4 lung cancer - NeuroendocrineTumour (NET) that has spread to her liver and bones". I've administered white blood cell injections, updated the family in terms of drugs and treatment and sat in the waiting room for 7 hours when she went down for her 1st chemo. I've held my sisters while they cried with the fear of losing her and talked to my 9-year-old nephew about what cancer is and how it affects Nanny. I feel I have coped quite well so far, happy to step up and do what I can when I can.
Then this weekend hit, and out of all of the above my mum losing some of her eyelashes seems to have sent me into a downhill spiral. Suddenly, I can't contain my emotions. I know it's not the eyelashes that have done it, my logical brain knows it is a build-up of pouring from an empty cup. But here we are unable to shake the thought that parts of her a slipping away.
She has been so brave and strong, the chemo has had a good impact so far and the tumours have even shrunk a little. But those silly little eyelashes have been a harsh reminder that with stage four, whatever the journey brings, the destination is the same and one day (hopefully far far away), I won't be the strong daughter/sister, but the lost little girl that just wanted her mum to stay!
My boss suggested I find someone outside the normal day-to-day to talk to, so here I am. Hoping it will help, pouring my words into an online forum hoping that this group of beautiful strangers, all equally facing a monumental battle of some sort, might be able to help me in some way?!
xxx
Hi MumscancerPA and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type or support challenges will help you a lot……. I have a completely different type of cancer and treatment journey.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we try to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated……
…… support groups. These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum and indeed yourself and the rest of the family you may benefit from joining and posting in our……
........ and possibly our Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [ + Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
