hi
my 91yr old mother has recently been diagnosed with stage C breast cancer which had spread to other parts of her body and she also has a form of bone marrow cancer. at her last haematology my mother was informed that she had months rather than years left and that the hospital would not perform any form of CPR.
my mother was given contact details of the clinical nurses at the last appointment my mother was encouraged to engage with the local hospice for support which she is clearly reluctant to do. while i can fully understand this i am finding the situation frustrating and i also feel that as it stands when my mothers health deteriorates we will not be aware of her wishes she has for her care.
while i have two siblings i live closest to my mother and have become responsible for the physical side of my mothers care i.e. housework shopping and dealing with bills etc while also trying to talk to my mother about how she feels emotionally about things. meanwhile my sisters input on a weekly basis is having my mother visit her once a week and during this time she avoids talking about our mothers health and i feel we are pulling in opposite directions and when i do not agree with my sister i am made to feel as if it is me who is being unreasonable all the time.
i have been to the pain management clinic and while discussing my medication etc i mentioned the situation with my mother and the doctor is referring me to talking therapies but i felt the need to post on here to seek advice and to be honest to let off steam.................thank you for reading this
Caz
Hi Caz Caz59 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis and the challenges you are dealing with and yes the Community is a safe place to let off steam.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our..,..
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
…… support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))
