Hi Everyone,
My Dad was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer a few weeks ago. The primary cancer is in his stomach. He went into hospital mid-December to be treated for pneumonia and since then he's had his cancer diagnosis and his health has just deteriorated so fast and it's so, so scary. Last week we were told the only treatment he'll receive is pain management. He's always been like this invincible figure, larger than life. I always felt like I was living in his shadow, and I resented that. Now I feel guilty and wish we could just go back to when that was all I had to complain about. It feels so surreal to be typing this.
He hardly eats or moves because he's either in pain, or drowsy when the pain meds are wearing off. It's almost like he's already partly gone. We have to travel four hours each way to visit him and I can't even tell if he wants us to be there for the short time we can stay before he needs to rest. It takes so much out of me each time I visit and it's really hard to balance being there for my Dad with maintaining my own wellbeing and my young family's needs. And, obviously, I feel guilty about that too.
I feel numb and detached and scared. I want to scream.
I'm not looking for advice. I just felt like maybe sharing this might let some of the pain out.
Hi R0551E and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis. A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your dad and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our.........
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
....... support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
