Hello. I'm new to the community and I'm not really sure what I am looking for! My mother has terminal cancer. At the moment, she has lots of appointments to attend and various teams supporting her. It's all quite overwhelming. My father is approaching a diagnosis of a different but life-altering condition. They are both at home but are little able to care for each other. They do not believe they need carers.
My sibling is providing a lot of daily support around her busy full-time job and family, as she lives close-by but I don't think it is sustainable. I live a distance away and have an equally busy full-time job that does not have fixed or predictable hours, a young child and a partner whose neuro-divergence effectively means that I am their carer. I am trying to be there in all aspects of my life but I feel torn in various directions. I feel guilty that I cannot provide the support that my sibling provides, nor can I share in those tasks. Supporting my parents is involving hours of travel along with visits that are much longer because I can't simply pop in. There aren't enough hours in the week to replace working time and my home life is suffering. Although my parents understand my situation, I feel that my sibling is angry that I am not doing more. Plus we have a long journey ahead of us.
I guess I'm looking for advice about how to have a healthy conversation with loved ones about how we work together towards a more sustainable plan, even if our contributions differ.
Thanks in advance and thanks for listening.
Hi Phoebe79 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum and indeed your dad’s diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum abd your dad you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and Friends, Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
It’s a challenging time for you so you may want to use the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Please do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
