When I first found out she has cancer, I didn’t really take it that seriously. She has loads of health issues anyway. Arthritis, trachea dysfunction, NAFLD, hiatus hernia, small airways disease, lesions in the left lung, she had DVT a few years ago, etc etc. I didn’t think “leiomyosarcoma” was much of an addition to the list. Besides, the tumour had already been removed by the time we knew it was cancer, before we even knew it was. tumour at all (she was told it was a harmless cyst until the biopsy was done post-surgery).
She’s had follow-up appointments and MRIs and ultrasounds regularly to make sure the tumour doesn’t grow back, but this morning she received a call saying the cancer’s back. This time there’s two tumours, and they’re in her hand rather than her forearm like previously. The reality of it’s finally hitting me. My mother has a cancer that only affects 1 in 100,000 people. That’s a 0.0001% chance, and of course, she has to be a victim of those odds despite everything she’s been through already and I feel horrible. There’s nothing I can do about it. There’s no cure for it besides surgical removal of the tumours, but if they’re growing back and they’re in a different part of her body then surely that means it’ll never go away for real?
Apparently only 70% of people with leiomyosarcoma in a limb survive for over 5 years. That means there’s a 1 in 3 chance that my mother won’t be there at my future wedding, won’t be there at my graduation, won’t get to be a grandmother, etc. I’m 17 and I’m dreading those odds so much but my mum keeps telling me to not cry because “if God decides it’s my time to go, then it’s time.” I’m agnostic, so that doesn’t really mean much to me, but if God’s really out there then I’m sure as hell (no pun intended) pissed off at him right now.
I don’t want to tell my mum about how I’m feeling because the last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty, she’s already worried for me because I’ve been struggling with my mental health since I was 11, and this is just the cherry on the cake. Anyone have suggestions for how I can support my mum and learn to cope with the harsh reality of my situation without resorting to unhealthy coping methods again?
Hi phoenixx.06 and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your mum.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The New to Community is like our reception desk where we look to direct you to the best part of the Community for you to get support. The Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your mum you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and Friends and Carers only support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
It’s a challenging time for you so you may want to use the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community
