Hi, I’m new here and confused, I hope I get the hang of this way of communicating, I am not very good on line. My partner is diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has rectal, prostate with secondaries in the lungs and a lymph node, however the secondaries in his liver are very big. He has had 6 months of one chemotherapy and 3 months of the other choice, but they both caused terrible side effects and didn’t halt the cancers. Now he has been offered the chemotherapy tablets but also a trial for liver cancers. His general condition is weakness and fatigue, pain in the stomach area and numerous trips to the toilet at night. No rest at all and getting weaker all the time. He is hardly out of bed except when forced to visit the hospital for the maintenance of his pick with a view to the trial. I have no idea how he will manage regular visits to hospitals with the need to get his bowels into some sort of shape to allow him to go out with confidence. He is clinging to hope but I feel that the stress will make things much worse than they already are. I just want the best for him and it seems like it’s a choice between his hope and his being able to relax each day as it comes. It’s his choice not mine and I am torn and devastated by all this. I wonder if anyone can relate to this situation please.
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Hi Kitty Carrot and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your partner you may benefit from joining and posting in our dedicated Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community
