Husband just diagnosed

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Hi i am new to the group my husband has just been diagnosed with kidney cancer stage 4 and spread to lungs we are both absolutely devastated and all I do is cry but I’m finding it hard for him as he doesn’t want yo talk to anyone and I do. We had an appointment yday to discuss a biopsy date and now just waiting. But he has this awful cough but it doesn’t bring anything up it feels like he he hurting his chest it sounds painful I have so many questions but don’t know who to talk to 

  • Sorry to hear about your husband.  A close friend of mine had the same diagnosis about 18 month's back, although apparently it had not spread to his lungs, but he had the same dry cough continuous cough which disappeared when his kidney was removed.  He had keyhole surgery to remove the diseased kidney and was in hospital for three days.  He is doing really well now and is on intravenous immunotherapy at regular intervals.

    Unfortunately men do not like to talk about a lot of things regarding health etc., but you will find plenty of people on here going through the same experience and they will be only too happy to chat and try and allay some of your fears.  I was diagnosed with lung cancer three month's ago, and I appreciate your worries and fears, basically it is fear of the unknown.  I had a lung biopsy four week's ago, and although the thought of being awake and watching it being done was a bit daunting, it was fine, the only discomfort was the local anaesthetic injections, after they took effect I did not feel a thing when the biopsies were taken.  I was uncomfortable with pain in my chest the following day, which is understandable, but this was managed easily with Ibuprofen. The biopsy is to determine what type of cancer your husband has and how best to treat it.

    I wish you and your husband my very best wishes as you start this journey.  

    Heart Ann

  • Thank you Anne for replying I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I wish you luck in your recovery too Heart️‍ 

    This gives me hope 


  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. 

    A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type and support challenges will help a lot (I have a totally different type of cancer)

    The Community is actually divided into dedicated Cancer Specific Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our Kidney cancer and Lung, secondary cancer support groups.

    These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.

    As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your husband you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)

    You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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