Hubby has cancer

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Hi my name is nicola and I’m new here, never done anything like this before. 3 years ago my husband got kidney and lung cancer, we’ve had ups and downs, but he’s done so well. In  December he collapsed/passed out, had a mri and the cancer had spread to his brain. They wanted to do Cyberknife but he’s claustrophobic and after trying with help from phyciolgist he couldn’t get it done. 
He had CT scans done 2 weeks ago and unfortunately 2 of the lesions on his brain have got bigger and it’s spread to his bones. They have stopped treatment as it’s not working anymore and said there’s no more they can do for him. He was in the Marsden for 5 days due to being sick most days for about 2 weeks. He’s home now and on steriods, he’s got swollen feet and legs up to his knee, they have put him on a water tablet, he’s very agitated and angry. 
we have a 7 years old daughter and a 12 year old chocolate Labrador and he talks to us awfully. 
we are struggling as a family but the Marsden have sent a referral to a hospice. My husband and I are going to see it on Thursday. He’s not hospice ready, if you know what I mean. Think it’s more to see the well-being centre etc. 

thank you for reading. I cry a lot, it’s a coping mechanism for me, there’s really nothing there anymore for my husband and I, but he’s the father of our daughter and I’m so worried about her, I’m getting all the help I can for her atm. 

  • Oh Nicola this is so sad I’m sorry to hear this. My sister passed away with lung cancer which spread to the brain and she became very agitated, it really wasn’t her character therefore I believe this was the effect of the cancer. I really feel for you, crying is good, let it all out and just go with your emotions. Thinking of you, I hope Thursday goes well as it can xxx

  • Thank you so much for your reply xx

  • Hi  and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the journey the family are in.

    A cancer journey like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.

    The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining and posting in our Carers only and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)

    You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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