Feeling in the dark

My sister has stage 4 cancer. All her lymph nodes are affected and she has an inoperable tumour on her liver affecting her spleen.  We feel so in the dark with little information about what to expect, how do we prepare, what do we do and what help she can get? 

I work full time and she lives in a neighbouring town with her son who has just left school. She has to move out of where she is living because of a bullying landlord who has put her rent up to double what she can claim now she's unable to work. Is there any help with accommodation through a charity? Most landlords don't want to rent to someone who will not be there for very much longer and will leave a teenager behind. 

I feel like I have to be strong for everyone, yet at the same time can't really get my head around the fact she isn't going to get better. I swing between a state of disbelief and silent tears. Today I had to tell her adult daughters and it broke my heart yet life all around goes on as normal. 

How do you begin to move forward from the quagmire of disbelief and tears?

  • Hi  and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about your sisters diagnosis.

    A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.

    The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and Friends and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.

    To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)

    You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.

    It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.

    The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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