My Dad was diagnosed with cancer last December on the floor of his mouth, he had life changing surgery removing his teeth, most of his tongue, some of his lower jaw, and lymph nodes in his neck. he was given the all clear in February (not just remission, cancer free!) and has spent the last 6 months recovering, learning to eat, drink, swallow, talk, and breathe independently. he was about to start the process of reconstructive dentistry, to give him some normality and the confidence to socialise again (he hasn’t seen any friends since his diagnosis, just immediate family). now, in the last couple of weeks, he has found another lump in his lower jaw again. we are awaiting results of new scans which we will get on wednesday 20th but his doctor has said it is highly suggestive of cancer reoccurrence. it is much bigger and growing much faster than last time. the surgery this time would be a total mandibulectomy (total removal of the jaw bone) and my Dad won’t go through this again without strong enough statistics telling him that he will be able to eat and swallow food with working taste buds afterwards. he doesn’t think life will be worth living with a tube in his stomach for the rest of his life and honestly i don’t blame him. he is being sensible, pragmatic and not emotional - but how can i accept one of my parents potentially choosing not to fight and just to leave me instead? my parents divorced when i was 4 and my Dad was a foreign correspondent journalist at the time, i don’t remember ever living with him or even living in the same country for most of my childhood, until i was a teenager i only saw him 2/3 times a year and i always thought we’d have time later on to build the daddy daughter relationship i’d always dreamed of. now i’m 27 and i’m starting to realise that it’s too late. i feel so guilty with myself and so angry with him that we’ll never have this. i wish there was more time.
Hi Wishing For Time and a very warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but sorry to hear about your dad's ongoing journey.
A cancer journey in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type and support challenges will help a lot
The Community is actually divided into dedicated Cancer Specific Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Head and neck cancer support group. This is a safe place to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
It will be an emotional time supporting your dad so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions, you may also benefit from joining our dedicated Carers only support group where you will connect with others navigating the same support challenges.
To connect in with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
When you are ready you can put up your own post by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and provide support from all the family.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community but in the meantime all the very best.
