After being concerned about several lumps, I encouraged my boyfriend to get them checked with the doctor a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been with him to every appointment/scan. Sadly things have moved quickly early this week and my boyfriend has been given a cancer referral, Even on the afternoon after the referral he was vocalising how much he truly loved me, that he wants to grow old with me and that things would be okay.…..
2 days later and it’s now entirely different…. He’s completely panicked and shut me out, asking for space, saying he needs to be alone and as a result I have moved out. Even during moving out it was an incredibly emotional and confusing conversation. From the things he said to me it seemed like he still loved me, saying that everything he told me had been real. He then went on to say “you don’t need to deal with this” “I don’t want to depend on anyone” “I can’t afford to have a girlfriend right now” “I need to figure out what the hell im going to do”
obviously I have listened to his request to give him space and let him be alone as I cannot even begin to imagine how he must be feeling. I’m so scared that he is just trying to protect my feelings by ending things even tho I’m so incredibly heartbroken by the idea of not being with him and not supporting him through this time.
I guess I wanted to know if it’s a common thing for people to end relationships after a diagnosis, how best I can deal with how he’s reacted and if I’m the future I should reach out to check up etc….
please help I don’t know what else to do :(
Hi Mabel98
Sorry to read about your boyfriend, certainly your story is not that unusual and the reasons are often really complex.
You don't say what kind of cancer he has though it is positive you encouraged him to go and get them checked. However for now all we can really deal with is you. If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer it might help you work through how you feel. If you choose and he is willing to engage you might be able to support him in a way he feels comfortable with - though of course he still needs to work out his own feelings about the cancer too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
