Supporting a relative with cancer.

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Hi everyone, I’m new to the group. My dad who is 63 was diagnosed with stage 3 oesophageal cancer on yesterday after 6 weeks of scans and blood tests. During this time, an abnormality showed on dads liver. Last week he was sent for a ultrasound on his liver and the radiographer confidently confirmed that he could not see anything unusual on his liver and that what showed up could be bruising or an old injury. Yesterday, dad met with the surgeon who will be doing his oesophagectomy. Surprisingly the surgeon was till concerned about the shadow that is on my dads liver but ruled out operating to get a better idea of what it is as he wants dad to start his treatment ASAP. Today, dad was told that if the cancer has spread to his liver which we will find out when chemo starts next week (if the shadow shrinks it will confirm it is in fact cancerous) then they will not go forward with the oesophagectomy. We are all in shock and utterly devastated as to what might be around the corner.

I am writing in the hopes that there is some light at the end of the tunnel and to ask those of you with cancer or supporting a loved one with cancer how best to support them but also how best to cope yourself. I feel like we are all smothering my dad atm and I can imagine we are very annoying Dad has 5 children so there is always someone around faffing over him. Thanks, Róisín.

Hi RoisinD and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm very sorry to read that your dad has just been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer and I know what a worrying time this will be for the whole family.

As the online community is divided up into different support groups I'm going to recommend that you join the oesophageal cancer group, which is a great place to ask questions about treatment, etc and to share experiences with others who have, or have had, this type of cancer.

I'm also going to suggest that you join the family and friends group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries and emotions and to find out how others have supported a loved one living with cancer.

To join these groups just click on the links I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

It would be great if you could pop something about your dad's diagnosis and tests so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"