My Mam was recently diagnosed with lung cancer which has already spread to her liver, bones and adrenal gland. The situation is still unreal, she was being treated for a urine infection.
After a long hospital stay, during which she was diagnosed, I've got her home. I've left my amazing, accepting husband and grown up family to look after her. She is bedridden and undemanding and we have some wonderful friends, family and carers helping us.
In the last few days Mam has been given new meds and is becoming confused and incoherent at times. I'm praying it's the medication but fearing the worst - that the cancer has spread further.
I'm sorry for droning on, it's so much easier to put things down here than trying to talk to someone because within minutes I'm a gibbering wreck.
My main question (for today) is, during her ramblings she has just started mentioning my Dad, who we sadly lost 3 years ago. How do I respond to her? Do I keep reminding her my Dad's not here and break both our hearts all over again? Or do I play along and break her heart when he doesn't walk back into the room?
She doesn't talk about her illness, occasionally asking why she'd been in hospital, although she understood things when we were told of her diagnosis. I don't know if this is genuine memory loss or denial. I'm heartbroken that she's now suffering mentally as well as physically.
Thank you for taking the time to read and care.
Hi Shellywelly and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your mam has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to other parts of her body and I know what a difficult time this will be for you and the rest of the family.
As the online community is divided up into different support groups, I'm going to recommend that you join either the carers only group, if you are your mam's carer, or the family and friends group if you're not. Both groups are safe and supportive places to ask questions, share experiences and get support.
To join the appropriate group, just click on the link I've provided which will take you directly to the group. You can then join and start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with exiting conversations by clicking on 'reply.
It would be great if you could pop something about your mam's diagnosis into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
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"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
