My brother in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 6 to 9 months to live. It was devastating and apart from the impact on him and his family, I was concerned about the effect of the diagnosis on my husband as they are very close and my husband is recovering from a stroke. I comforted my husband during the early days of the diagnosis as it hit him so hard. I have offered to be there for the whole family whenever I'm needed. I'm happy that things look a little less bleak now as my brother in law is responding well to treatment
But as the outlook becomes more positive, and although my husband and his brother still spend lots of time together, our time as family has reduced. Whereas previously we would spend a good deal of time together at each other's houses, we do not now seem to be invited to gatherings with mutual friends. So recently there have been events and meals to which we haven't been invited as a couple.
I feel small minded even posting this, as I know that in times of greatest need, we all need to spend time with those closest to us. But I did think I was part of that and now I feel I'm not. I have tried to reign in my feelings as I understand that the most important thing is that my husband spends this precious time with his brother. Still, I can't help feeling that my own feelings of grief are overlooked and I can't speak to anyone in case they think I'm being incredibly selfish. Especially, I can't speak to my husband as I feel like I'm being unreasonable - I try to put myself in their position and I understand that I would want my closest friends around me. Still, I felt I was part of that group. I appreciate how needy I sound.
I'd be grateful to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience as I don't feel I can talk to anyone else about how I feel.
Hi Orville23 and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about the challenges you are dealing with.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
The Community is actually divided into Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting family and friends you may benefit from joining and posting in our Family and friends and Supporting someone with incurable cancer support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To join a group first click on the “Bold Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.
Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat where you will find one of team there to help you out.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
