Hi everyone,
New to the group, but reaching out for support and advice really...anything that stops me Googling!!!
My dad who is 70 was diagnosed with Melanoma cancer in 2020 during the Covid crisis. He's had 3 operations to remove malignant lesions, some lymph nodes removed and a round of radiotherapy. In July last year, he was told they had found minute 'spots' on his liver and lungs, during routine CT/MRI scans, but they were unable to say at that time what they were. Fast forward to March 2023, and he has been told the cancer has now spread to his liver and lungs, and some lymph nodes in between I think. Unfortunately dad has suffered with Crohns Disease for the past 20+ years, and so his immune system is compromised. Immunotherapy treatment may have been an option, but the Consultant discussed at lengths the pros/cons of having it. The cons greatly outwayed the pros sadly, and so dad has decided to decline the treatment. His quality of life would be poor in the short time he has left. He'd be in a lot pain, possibly unable to walk and even hospitalised. The cancer could even spread faster. We asked the dreaded question of how long has he left? We were told months, rather than years.
As a family, this is devastating to hear. I can't imagine a life without dad...he's my hero and has always been there for me.
Although at the moment, he's fairly well and continuing on his daily routine, I'm finding it difficult to accept this outcome. I'm scared for him and have no clue as to what happens next? I have questions like when will it happen? How will I know when he's going to be more poorly? How do we care for him when he starts to deteriorate? What do we do when he dies? How is my mum going to cope with it all? I feel lost at the moment and my anxiety is crazy! I'm struggling to sleep and if I do, having bad dreams. My emotions are all over the place.
I can't imagine what dad is feeling, he seems so brave and is carrying on his life as normal...but I'm not processing it very well and could do with some help / advice with the questions I have. Google just isn't the answer anymore!
Any help from people in a similar situation would be much appreciated.
Hi CazS84 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I'm sorry to read that your dad has recently found out that his melanoma has spread and he is now incurable. It must be an incredibly hard time for the whole family.
As the online community is divided up into different support groups, I'm going to recommend that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group as this will give you the opportunity to find out how others cope and to ask the questions about how to get further help for your dad.
To join just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here, and join in with existing conversations by clicking on reply.
Sending virtual (((hugs)))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
