Rectal cancer

Hi - I had similar with my MiL.  We told my SiL in advance of telling my MiL but they strongly advised against it, based on my MiL propensity to worry, obsession with everyone else's [ill] health, and likely repeated questions and inability to just carry on "as normal".  She's 90.   I think it was the right decision in retrospect and totally aligned with my objective to (a) not become "C with cancer" and (b) refusal to manage everyone else's stress.   My parents (84 and 89) have been OK with it.  They cried and were clearly in shock after I told them, but they moved on, they never ask about it (good) and our conversations are the same as they were before cancer (good).  

I think it's a call only you can make based on what your parents are like.  Only thing I will point out is your family members aren't the ones with cancer.  Can they really understand your position?  

The factors that bought me around were - did I want constant enquiries about my health and what was happening and progress about my treatment?  Absolutely not.  Did I think my MiL could respect that?  The whole family believed not based on constant enquiries about my husband's dodgy hip.  When he told her there was nothing to discuss, she just went round the whole family worrying about it thus burdening my SiL too.   

Remember you can't backout the conversation either!  Good luck.  

Hi Pete Pete B and welcome to the Online Community but I am sorry to hear about your diagnoses.

I have lived with and been treated for an incurable blood cancer for over 23 years now and we were always selective in what we said to my mum and my MIL but when the treatment got tougher and was going to lose ny hair there had to be some openness - you know your parents best and how much they ‘actually’ need to know

Navigating the actual cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type can help a lot.

The Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend consider joining our supportive Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer support group. This is a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.

To join a group click on the “Bold Link” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)

You can put up your own post and introduce yourself to the group by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post. You can also scroll through other members posts and click “Reply” to get involved.

Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat where you will find one of team there to help you out. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.

Do get back to me if you need further help.

Thanks really good to get the perspective from someone who has gone through the horror of telling people.  Have decided to tell them that I'm having an op, but not to tell them about the cancer until the tests results of the heathly tissue.